The sexualisation of schoolgirls
To be frank, my job is short on travel and long on endless grind, pride-swallowing, shit-eating tediousness. Not that I don't enjoy it. So when an opportunity to travel presents itself I grab it like Madonna and Angelina having a tug of war over some brown kid.
Of course travel means anything from a walk to a nearby office (or 'theatre of terror' as they are also known) to a tube trip to a train trip...and that's just about it.
So it was I found myself on the tube this morning, during the rush hour. At one point I actually thought that if I got any closer to the person next to me I'd need lubricant, but then we pulled into some station and the passengers emptied from the tube like fizz from a bottle opened at the top of a Formula 1 podium. This left me, a few others and a Japanese schoolgirl.
It's been a while since I saw a Japanese schoolgirl. When I lived in the north of London you saw them all the time, moving in flocks. Now the only time I see them is when I look on Google for a recipe for 'Bukcake' (a cake of oats, venison and lard) and am confronted with an image of a surprised looking oriental lass with what appears to be a pot of yoghurt emptied all over her face.
There she was, sitting there in her uniform, thick kilt, sweater, blazer, overcoat. All that was missing was a huge sign saying 'public school'. The reality of the japanese schoolgirl was a million miles away from anything prefaced by 'www' and gave pleasing confirmation that I'm not a kiddyfiddler as, believe me, there was nothing remotely sexy about her.
The sexualisation of schoolgirls is a worry. Mainly though I think it's a worry to the media and to parents of schoolgirls. Schoolgirls are not sexy to men. No, let me qualify that, schoolgirls of today are not sexy to men. On this I can speak with absolute authority as I share my morning commute for a few stops with gaggles of schoolgirls. They are one-up on private schoolgirls - these are convent girls - the crack of schoolgirls who will one day be the leading wives, bitter spinsters and lesbians of this nation. The uniform is like anti-sex. The kilt is the exact colour of dung and the blazer matches. The socks - always worn at half mast - are of a thickness that would make a 1920's footballer proud. All this is as nothing though to the overall effect of putting lots of young women in an enclosed space - it's the perfect storm of acne, menustral frustration and chatter. My response is usually to crank the iPod to 11 and pray.
Given their ability to attract spotty scowling teen boys like a moon pulling a comet into orbit though, I'm obviously just too old. As a middle aged fart, a what makes a woman attractive to me is either the phrase 'Have another one, I'll drive' or 'Hello, I'm Gillian Anderson'. If that last one could be followed by 'Have another one before I drive you back to my place for a night of screwing like crazed bunnies', so much the better.
So maybe the schoolgirls of today are attractive - to the schoolboys of today. This would explain why the schoolgirls I went to school with are attractive to me now as I flick through my mental photo album, and were bloody attractive to me then. There's nothing quite like adolescent girls when you're an adolescent boy. I mean, when I think of the girls at my school, it's a wonder I wasn't permanently bent double trying to conceal an involuntary erection with the hem of my parka. Did I say hem of my parka, I mean my satchel, er schoolbag - sports bag...for cricket, with the rest of the teams gear in it too.
A recent post on 'Losers who are bored in their present relationship and fancy shagging somebody they used to sit next to through double maths Reunited.com' mooted a school reunion for my year. This is a bad idea, especially as we're all approaching 40 at a rate usually described by the phrase 'escape velocity'. The last thing I want to do is see what happened to the pert, willowy girls I went to school with. I prefer to think of them preserved in the 1980s, crap hair, Wham! tee-shirs and all.
As for the patron saint of the sexualisation of schoolgirls, Brittney. First of all, no schoolgirl EVER looked like that and secondly, she's fast-forwarded in just a few years from the hot girl at school to the one you dive behind the curtains at a reunion to avoid. The only people who think schoolgirls are sexy? Pedophiles, music-video directors and MTV execs. Oh, and schoolboys. But that's allowed. Also - lesbian schoolgirls - though that's harder to find 'innocently' on Google.
Of course travel means anything from a walk to a nearby office (or 'theatre of terror' as they are also known) to a tube trip to a train trip...and that's just about it.
So it was I found myself on the tube this morning, during the rush hour. At one point I actually thought that if I got any closer to the person next to me I'd need lubricant, but then we pulled into some station and the passengers emptied from the tube like fizz from a bottle opened at the top of a Formula 1 podium. This left me, a few others and a Japanese schoolgirl.
It's been a while since I saw a Japanese schoolgirl. When I lived in the north of London you saw them all the time, moving in flocks. Now the only time I see them is when I look on Google for a recipe for 'Bukcake' (a cake of oats, venison and lard) and am confronted with an image of a surprised looking oriental lass with what appears to be a pot of yoghurt emptied all over her face.
There she was, sitting there in her uniform, thick kilt, sweater, blazer, overcoat. All that was missing was a huge sign saying 'public school'. The reality of the japanese schoolgirl was a million miles away from anything prefaced by 'www' and gave pleasing confirmation that I'm not a kiddyfiddler as, believe me, there was nothing remotely sexy about her.
The sexualisation of schoolgirls is a worry. Mainly though I think it's a worry to the media and to parents of schoolgirls. Schoolgirls are not sexy to men. No, let me qualify that, schoolgirls of today are not sexy to men. On this I can speak with absolute authority as I share my morning commute for a few stops with gaggles of schoolgirls. They are one-up on private schoolgirls - these are convent girls - the crack of schoolgirls who will one day be the leading wives, bitter spinsters and lesbians of this nation. The uniform is like anti-sex. The kilt is the exact colour of dung and the blazer matches. The socks - always worn at half mast - are of a thickness that would make a 1920's footballer proud. All this is as nothing though to the overall effect of putting lots of young women in an enclosed space - it's the perfect storm of acne, menustral frustration and chatter. My response is usually to crank the iPod to 11 and pray.
Given their ability to attract spotty scowling teen boys like a moon pulling a comet into orbit though, I'm obviously just too old. As a middle aged fart, a what makes a woman attractive to me is either the phrase 'Have another one, I'll drive' or 'Hello, I'm Gillian Anderson'. If that last one could be followed by 'Have another one before I drive you back to my place for a night of screwing like crazed bunnies', so much the better.
So maybe the schoolgirls of today are attractive - to the schoolboys of today. This would explain why the schoolgirls I went to school with are attractive to me now as I flick through my mental photo album, and were bloody attractive to me then. There's nothing quite like adolescent girls when you're an adolescent boy. I mean, when I think of the girls at my school, it's a wonder I wasn't permanently bent double trying to conceal an involuntary erection with the hem of my parka. Did I say hem of my parka, I mean my satchel, er schoolbag - sports bag...for cricket, with the rest of the teams gear in it too.
A recent post on 'Losers who are bored in their present relationship and fancy shagging somebody they used to sit next to through double maths Reunited.com' mooted a school reunion for my year. This is a bad idea, especially as we're all approaching 40 at a rate usually described by the phrase 'escape velocity'. The last thing I want to do is see what happened to the pert, willowy girls I went to school with. I prefer to think of them preserved in the 1980s, crap hair, Wham! tee-shirs and all.
As for the patron saint of the sexualisation of schoolgirls, Brittney. First of all, no schoolgirl EVER looked like that and secondly, she's fast-forwarded in just a few years from the hot girl at school to the one you dive behind the curtains at a reunion to avoid. The only people who think schoolgirls are sexy? Pedophiles, music-video directors and MTV execs. Oh, and schoolboys. But that's allowed. Also - lesbian schoolgirls - though that's harder to find 'innocently' on Google.
1 Comments:
Should it concern me (or at least your wife?) that you wrote an entire post trying to confirm that you in fact, do NOT like schoolgirls??? hmmmmm. Well, if you want to be seriously disturbed, I suggest you watch "Hard Candy". Actually just saw it Saturday and I'm still QUITE disturbed. It's almost as if the writers of the film thought "How can we make this the most f--ked up movie ever??" and then they wrote it.
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