Hugh Meanz Biznezz
A rather belated post here - I should have posted this a few weeks ago, when I had the idea for my Hero of the Week or Villain of the Week.
The Hero of the Week was Hugh Grant. The floppy haired ponce may have previously only barely cut it as the lead in a rom-com or two, but when he hurled those baked beans at that pap, he elevated his status to action hero.
There is something about gutter photographers that make you want to shove their cameras up their arses and hit the ‘zoom’ button. It used to be like organised crime, with a few paps sleazing their way around London, paying off bellboys and doormen to know who was staying where, eating where and sleeping where and with whom or what.
This was because you had one page in the paper that was to do with ‘showbiz’ and two magazines obsessed with celebrity, ‘Hello’ and ‘OK’.
Not any more. The papers are full of pages of photographs (well, maybe photograph is stretching it, grainy images is closer to the mark, I think we’re actually one step away from simply using Google Earth images of Madonna’s back garden and putting a red circle round the collection of shadows that might be her mowing the grass) of celebs.
Now it’s more like crimes of opportunity - photographic muggings. The photograph of choice a few months ago was the low level shot of women getting out of cabs. And the reaction…criticism that they were not wearing knickers. Have I missed something? Is not the reaction ‘hold on, who’s the pervert taking upskirt photographs. I’d like to see him try that on a crowded train.
That’s why the pictures are always grainy - because the celebs have stopped playing ball and are now playing ‘catch the tin can…in your teeth’.
Not that I read any of these papers or mags myself - it’s just that everyone on my train does and you occasionally can’t help but notice a shoddy picture of somebody you don’t recognise from some soap you don’t watch doing their shopping or something - that’s right, they have pictures of people shopping. The new low though is a mag I noticed that has, on the front cover, a promise to pay you for any celeb snaps you send in!
On the one hand I’m tempted to just go to Madam Tausaurds and make a fortune by putting a carrier bag in the hand of each waxwork (Madonna shops at Spar, Queen with a hold-all from Ann Summers). But I’m just as tempted to find out where the offices of the mag are and burn it down.
What I don’t like is this perversion of the role of the Citizen Journalist. It’s good that we all have mobiles with cameras, it’s bad that they can be used to photograph assaults on people in bus-stops or take pictures of shopping celebs.
If I’m ever shopping and see Hugh Grant lurking in the aisles, pondering what to have for tea, he may rest assured that I will not be pestering him for a photograph. Nor will I ask him to pass me the beans.
The Hero of the Week was Hugh Grant. The floppy haired ponce may have previously only barely cut it as the lead in a rom-com or two, but when he hurled those baked beans at that pap, he elevated his status to action hero.
There is something about gutter photographers that make you want to shove their cameras up their arses and hit the ‘zoom’ button. It used to be like organised crime, with a few paps sleazing their way around London, paying off bellboys and doormen to know who was staying where, eating where and sleeping where and with whom or what.
This was because you had one page in the paper that was to do with ‘showbiz’ and two magazines obsessed with celebrity, ‘Hello’ and ‘OK’.
Not any more. The papers are full of pages of photographs (well, maybe photograph is stretching it, grainy images is closer to the mark, I think we’re actually one step away from simply using Google Earth images of Madonna’s back garden and putting a red circle round the collection of shadows that might be her mowing the grass) of celebs.
Now it’s more like crimes of opportunity - photographic muggings. The photograph of choice a few months ago was the low level shot of women getting out of cabs. And the reaction…criticism that they were not wearing knickers. Have I missed something? Is not the reaction ‘hold on, who’s the pervert taking upskirt photographs. I’d like to see him try that on a crowded train.
That’s why the pictures are always grainy - because the celebs have stopped playing ball and are now playing ‘catch the tin can…in your teeth’.
Not that I read any of these papers or mags myself - it’s just that everyone on my train does and you occasionally can’t help but notice a shoddy picture of somebody you don’t recognise from some soap you don’t watch doing their shopping or something - that’s right, they have pictures of people shopping. The new low though is a mag I noticed that has, on the front cover, a promise to pay you for any celeb snaps you send in!
On the one hand I’m tempted to just go to Madam Tausaurds and make a fortune by putting a carrier bag in the hand of each waxwork (Madonna shops at Spar, Queen with a hold-all from Ann Summers). But I’m just as tempted to find out where the offices of the mag are and burn it down.
What I don’t like is this perversion of the role of the Citizen Journalist. It’s good that we all have mobiles with cameras, it’s bad that they can be used to photograph assaults on people in bus-stops or take pictures of shopping celebs.
If I’m ever shopping and see Hugh Grant lurking in the aisles, pondering what to have for tea, he may rest assured that I will not be pestering him for a photograph. Nor will I ask him to pass me the beans.
Labels: Beans, Celebrity, Celebs, Journalism, Paps, Photography
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