Monday, November 02, 2009

Uncommon acts

How lovely! When stopping to get a pint of milk this morning at the mini-megagrocers on the way to work, I overheard two blokes in the doorway having an argument.

Grooving as I was the some banging tunes I missed what led up to the tense moment of standoff, but it ended with a bloke saying:

‘that’s common assault’.

Putting aside for just one moment that if somebody has pushed you (which I suspect was the case) then preparing your legal arguments is probably not the best reaction, (grabbing a nearby winter root vegetable such as a turnip or swede and battering your assailant with it is) I wondered what might constitute an uncommon assault?

I reckon at least you’re looking at somebody coming at you with, say, a stuffed weasel wearing a little outfit of a musketeer. That would be pretty bloody unusual.

And if you can have common assault can you also have posh assault? Somebody trying to batter you with a crown?

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