Every little yelps

In a week where Sainsbury’s ejected a couple from their store for kissing, Tesco proved that when it comes to corporate fuck-ups, they’re still the nation’s number one, by behaving like number twos.  Tesco is changing its business model, from constructing the sort of out of town gigasouks that suck all commerce from the nation’s charming high streets to forsaken industrial centres on the edge of town, to opening shops on formally charming high streets.  This allows them to sell crisps at artificially low prices, and so unfairly compete with the local shops, and put them all out of business that way. 

This includes opening stores in petrol stations.

This is handy for two reasons.

Firstly, it is the law to buy fruit and nut whenever you fill up. 

But secondly and far more importantly, the proximity of Tesco and a plentiful supply of four-star is very convenient as, after hearing a news story about Tesco this week, I no longer wanted to boycott Tesco (a normal reaction for the usual reasons; that it is a social evil, and that the sort of people who shop there go there to shout at their kids or have marital disputes), I wanted to burn every fucking store to the ground.

So, what was it that made me want to turn that purveyor of tampons and Pot Noodle into a barbeque pit?

Well, apparently, a woman with a guide dog was ejected from a Tesco store this week, because the staff objected to her dog being in the store.

Her. Guide dog.

And apparently, while this trio of twats were harassing a blind woman, another customer was pointing out, er, actually, you can’t really do that.

That is one of the three acceptable reactions of a bystander.  The other is to use the distraction to shoplift as much confectionery as possible.  The third is to pop out, and return a short time later with a sloshing jerrycan and a Zippo.

So let’s examine just how fucking utterly detestable this Tesco staff were.  You might want to simply punch a Tesco member of staff hard in the face when they ask you for the millionth time if you have a Club Card, but witnessing them hassling a blind woman would, I think, send any right thinking Englishman running to aisle three (sporting goods), to return with a cricket bat, in each hand.

But wait, let’s be fair.  Maybe it was an isolated incident with some staff newly arrived from…another fucking dimension I presume, if they have managed to go through life without encountering guide dogs.  I mean, did they not bother with any training?  Lesson twelve, dogs: if a skinny man with lots of tattoos, no shirt and few teeth comes into the shop to buy Rizzla and has a snarling weapon dog, not on a lead, with him, then politely ask him to tether his dog outside (go on, do just that, and please note that when the nurse gives you your tetanus shot, she doesn’t ask if you’ve got a fucking Club Card). 

If the dog is a Labrador, has a harness on and is being held on to by a blind person, you approach and ask if you can offer any assistance.

It’s good to see that the fuck-wittage of Tesco floor staff and training staff is actually outshone by the cack-handed stupidity of their customer service staff because, after the woman rightly complained about the incident, Tesco offered her a twenty quid voucher.

Two things here.  Firstly, twenty quid is an insult and, er, why in the name of a blue and white striped fuck would the lady in question ever shop at Tesco again?

Then, apparently, somebody said something to somebody and suddenly the story was all over the papers (rightly trumping the other commercial clangers of the week).  This is possibly because people like to have a go at the heartless giant that is Tesco, but mainly because this is a total fucking outrage.

Apparently Tesco have promised to make a sizable donation to a charity of the woman’s choice.

Presumably the staff have been sent for ‘reeducation’.

This sort of thing would never happen at Waitrose.