Dishpandemic
Sitting at home with what a 'doctor', or a woman, would probably call a head cold but which I would more accurately describe as an extremely concentrated flu pandemic. What flavour of flu I have yet to decide. It's unlikely to be asian bird flu, as I can't recall being crapped on by a migrating goose (at least not in the literal sense). It's not even my normal malady, beer flu, because the only symptom is a nose running like a chav who's just ram-raided a Burberry shop and slight congestion (think M25 at 3:00) rather than vomiting, blinding headache and modern jazz combo doing set between ears.
So am stuck at home and am terrified of wandering into front room and turning on freeview box. Feel thick headed enough at the moment without exposure to telly. the worst thing about freeview is that there is always an episode of Magnum, the Rockford Files or Quincy within easy reach. Great shows of course but the real pleasure of them was stumbling across them at 2:30 on ITV1 on a weekday! As an unexpected treat, they almost duplicated the high experienced as a youth when, in a frenzy of expectation partly driven by the chemicals in sherbet, one would sit up and watch the show one had been looking forward to all week.
In case you are wondering - Rockford Files still looks great. Magnum - once you get past the Ray Mears brand ('oops, popped out') shorts, still great. Quincy - of course he lives on a boat and pulls women forty years younger than he is, he's an M.E. for God's sake! What can be sexier to any woman than the faint whiff of embalming fluid.
Yet still they refuse to repeat Petrochelli! And I know why, because the dedicated fan could tell, by the stage of construction of that house he was building, if the shows were being repeated out of sequence. First sub-clause of law 15 of great detective shows (Thy protagonist shall live in a trailer) is: 'any permanent structure which hero is building shall never raise more than six (6) inches above the ground, allowing hero to stand with shirt off (vest optional) trowel in one hand, breeze-block in other and hold conversation with punk kid/sidekick/wise old detective rather than, as would be required in advanced stages of construction, starting the conversation with 'get a brew on' or 'will you grab the other end of that RSJ then?'
Right, time to e mail SmithKline Beechams with my new medication idea - 'Lemsip shots' - it's 'the 40%, lemon flavoured solution to colds, flu and sobriety'.
So am stuck at home and am terrified of wandering into front room and turning on freeview box. Feel thick headed enough at the moment without exposure to telly. the worst thing about freeview is that there is always an episode of Magnum, the Rockford Files or Quincy within easy reach. Great shows of course but the real pleasure of them was stumbling across them at 2:30 on ITV1 on a weekday! As an unexpected treat, they almost duplicated the high experienced as a youth when, in a frenzy of expectation partly driven by the chemicals in sherbet, one would sit up and watch the show one had been looking forward to all week.
In case you are wondering - Rockford Files still looks great. Magnum - once you get past the Ray Mears brand ('oops, popped out') shorts, still great. Quincy - of course he lives on a boat and pulls women forty years younger than he is, he's an M.E. for God's sake! What can be sexier to any woman than the faint whiff of embalming fluid.
Yet still they refuse to repeat Petrochelli! And I know why, because the dedicated fan could tell, by the stage of construction of that house he was building, if the shows were being repeated out of sequence. First sub-clause of law 15 of great detective shows (Thy protagonist shall live in a trailer) is: 'any permanent structure which hero is building shall never raise more than six (6) inches above the ground, allowing hero to stand with shirt off (vest optional) trowel in one hand, breeze-block in other and hold conversation with punk kid/sidekick/wise old detective rather than, as would be required in advanced stages of construction, starting the conversation with 'get a brew on' or 'will you grab the other end of that RSJ then?'
Right, time to e mail SmithKline Beechams with my new medication idea - 'Lemsip shots' - it's 'the 40%, lemon flavoured solution to colds, flu and sobriety'.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home