Uttering
I'm wondering if office life encourages a mild and specific form of Turetts Syndrome. Rather than the traditional ranting, swearing, spitting and twitching, Mild Turetts Syndrome (or should that be mild f**king Turetts f**king s**ting syn - b*llocks - drome?) manifests itself in occasional outburst and atonal humming.
Of course, office workers shouting 'arse!' at their screen when confronted with an annoying e mail or, more likely, their solitaire hand not playing out, is nothing new. More worrying is when people seem to do it for no reason, or when getting their tea, or when in a trap in the gents.
I mean, how worried should you be when you hear the slam of a door, the rustle of fabric and then a 'Christ alive!'?
Humming is a problem though. Yesterday saw the first outbreak of somebody humming a Christmas carol. Obviously the perpetrator was brought to heel with cattle prods. Others prefer to sing the same two lines of a song under their breath, over and over again. From there it's just a hop skip and jump to sitting crouched in the foetal position on your chair, rocking gentle and reciting 'Mary had a little lamb' until the men with the big nets arrive.
It's the unprovoked outbursts I find so surprising. When you're wandering along and suddenly, apropos of nothing, you find yourself muttering something. Usually, and this is the problem, it's something incredibly inappropriate, such as 'up the wrong 'un!'. This is not the sort of thing you can easily turn into a grunt or cough, especially in a crowded lift.
Before workers were packed together like battery chickens this wasn't a problem. Pre-industrial revolution a bloke would sit in his cottage and make nails or something. Sometimes, for variety he would make nails while growing a beard. Going mad wasn't an issue then, nobody at the next desk made snide remarks about the cut of your trousers and nobody gave a damn about diversity. You could go through life thinking you were a spoon and cursing like a demented docker, as long as you made your nails.
In shirt and tie environment though, swearing, twitching, spitting and even references to bum love are frowned upon. I've been to loads of meetings and nobody's even once mentioned 'the English vice' and if they have, everyone thinks it's a reference to a Black and Decker workbench.
Of course, office workers shouting 'arse!' at their screen when confronted with an annoying e mail or, more likely, their solitaire hand not playing out, is nothing new. More worrying is when people seem to do it for no reason, or when getting their tea, or when in a trap in the gents.
I mean, how worried should you be when you hear the slam of a door, the rustle of fabric and then a 'Christ alive!'?
Humming is a problem though. Yesterday saw the first outbreak of somebody humming a Christmas carol. Obviously the perpetrator was brought to heel with cattle prods. Others prefer to sing the same two lines of a song under their breath, over and over again. From there it's just a hop skip and jump to sitting crouched in the foetal position on your chair, rocking gentle and reciting 'Mary had a little lamb' until the men with the big nets arrive.
It's the unprovoked outbursts I find so surprising. When you're wandering along and suddenly, apropos of nothing, you find yourself muttering something. Usually, and this is the problem, it's something incredibly inappropriate, such as 'up the wrong 'un!'. This is not the sort of thing you can easily turn into a grunt or cough, especially in a crowded lift.
Before workers were packed together like battery chickens this wasn't a problem. Pre-industrial revolution a bloke would sit in his cottage and make nails or something. Sometimes, for variety he would make nails while growing a beard. Going mad wasn't an issue then, nobody at the next desk made snide remarks about the cut of your trousers and nobody gave a damn about diversity. You could go through life thinking you were a spoon and cursing like a demented docker, as long as you made your nails.
In shirt and tie environment though, swearing, twitching, spitting and even references to bum love are frowned upon. I've been to loads of meetings and nobody's even once mentioned 'the English vice' and if they have, everyone thinks it's a reference to a Black and Decker workbench.
1 Comments:
Right now I share my office with a Russian...while he is able to have entire conversations without me understanding a word, I am unable to even open a can of Coke without being criticized for it (Yesterday he asked me if I ever drink tea because he ALWAYS hears me opening cans of Coke). Some day I will get up the nerve to do something really offensive~ any ideas are greatly appreciated.
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