I'm sick
And being a man, this of course means that I don't have a cold, but instead probably have some sort of mutated strain of bird flu or have been exposed to something brewed up in a lab in Portland Down.
I know how it happened too - skimmed milk. Every time I drink skimmed milk I come down with a cold. there must be something in the process where they remove all that is good about milk (or as it's commonly known - 'fat' - and replace it with something else - for instance 30cc of common cold culture.
It started yesterday with a sore throat, although 'sore' is simply an abbreviation of 'I believe somebody has been sandpapering my sinuses'. I combated this with two tubes of cough sweets. Bloody useless, worse than useless in fact as I discovered that too many cough sweets make you feel a bit odd, but do not have any real medicinal effect. What you really need is something green with the label faded off that is retrieved from the back of the cupboard. Don't get me started on expiry dates for medicines - how can a string of molecules have an expiery date? Anyway, maybe they are like cheese, they mature with age. So sod sweets, what I'm after is a smoking sticky green stuff that can also be used as horse liniment.
I wonder how many blogs there are out there of sick people, I mean really sick people. the sort of people who stay in their pyjamas all day and never leave the room. What would you find to blog about? describing your symptoms maybe, if you have something interesting enough, finding new descriptions for 'grotty'. Certainly I can say with authority that my sore throat has been joined now by a runny nose which makes me know, just KNOW, that I will have to make a trip to the shops for ultra balm tissue at some point. I suppose if you were ill, really ill, you could blog about that, do a taste test of tissues or something.
Or spy on your neighbours. Mine have decided to remove their old conservatory today by the look of it. A shame really, it was one of those types so rarely seen these days that was simply a wooden frame, glazed, with weathered corrugated plastic on top. More a lean-to than what's considered a conservatory these days (a PVC box that's more like an extra room than what it should bee, a transitional space between home and garden). I'd say the old one had character, any older and it could have got listed status.
I know how it happened too - skimmed milk. Every time I drink skimmed milk I come down with a cold. there must be something in the process where they remove all that is good about milk (or as it's commonly known - 'fat' - and replace it with something else - for instance 30cc of common cold culture.
It started yesterday with a sore throat, although 'sore' is simply an abbreviation of 'I believe somebody has been sandpapering my sinuses'. I combated this with two tubes of cough sweets. Bloody useless, worse than useless in fact as I discovered that too many cough sweets make you feel a bit odd, but do not have any real medicinal effect. What you really need is something green with the label faded off that is retrieved from the back of the cupboard. Don't get me started on expiry dates for medicines - how can a string of molecules have an expiery date? Anyway, maybe they are like cheese, they mature with age. So sod sweets, what I'm after is a smoking sticky green stuff that can also be used as horse liniment.
I wonder how many blogs there are out there of sick people, I mean really sick people. the sort of people who stay in their pyjamas all day and never leave the room. What would you find to blog about? describing your symptoms maybe, if you have something interesting enough, finding new descriptions for 'grotty'. Certainly I can say with authority that my sore throat has been joined now by a runny nose which makes me know, just KNOW, that I will have to make a trip to the shops for ultra balm tissue at some point. I suppose if you were ill, really ill, you could blog about that, do a taste test of tissues or something.
Or spy on your neighbours. Mine have decided to remove their old conservatory today by the look of it. A shame really, it was one of those types so rarely seen these days that was simply a wooden frame, glazed, with weathered corrugated plastic on top. More a lean-to than what's considered a conservatory these days (a PVC box that's more like an extra room than what it should bee, a transitional space between home and garden). I'd say the old one had character, any older and it could have got listed status.
2 Comments:
Men are complete babies when they are sick. I've never understood it. So here you are:
"I'm soooooooooo sorry you feel bad. Please drink some juice and take your vitamins and eat some soup. Definitely get as much rest as possible and if you like, watch TV all day long and don't get off of the couch. I also don't think you should shower or change your clothes until you feel absolutely well."
Of course you could also just sit at home and IM your friends at work and tell them how much fun you're having at home...or even better, ask one of them to lunch!
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