Bridport Revisited
Pictures of young women embracing on the front page can only mean that it’s either A level/O level result time again or once more I’ve picked up a copy of ‘lezza teenz’ instead of the paper…again. Result time gives grown-ups the opportunity to indulge in the traditional sport of moaning about an A pass only equalling a C in old money - and cheerfully taking up the relatively new pass-time of droning on about how horrible it would be to be a student and leave collage with lots of debt.
This is of course a total sham, for many reasons. The first is that the small debts you can run up as a student as nothing compared to the developing-country like deficit you can achieve when you first get a job and hence store cards, or simply by taking the car to a VW dealership for a service - an experience that results in you trying to flog your liver on eBay. As a student, there’s only a certain amount of debt you can ring up, mainly because unless you are really serious about your spending, you don’t incur any expense when sleeping and there’s only a finite amount of lager you can consume.
Grown-ups envy students. Graduates envy students because they know that the next three years are going to be one long party punctuated by vomiting and the occasional lecture. Adults who did not attend higher education envy students because they imagine that the next three years are going to be one long party, without the vomiting. Most bitterly of all, graduates who failed to get into their educational establishment of choice resent the hell out of students who are now walking into first class universities with what the graduate knows to be basically a certificate of accomplishment in woodwork, seasonally adjusted to 4 A* A levels.
Hence the lure of being a mature student (oxymoron surely?). Rarely when considering a return to the halls of academe does one bring to mind the hand-knitted types that occasionally turn up to spook the kids on University Challenge, rather, one takes comfort in thinking ‘how old was Jeremy Irons when he made Brideshead Revisited anyway?’ before reaching for the prospectus of some sun-kissed uni, delightfully located in the home counties in 1928 and considering taking time out for a course in debauch and polite buggery with an option on teddy bear chastisement and alcoholism.
This is of course a total sham, for many reasons. The first is that the small debts you can run up as a student as nothing compared to the developing-country like deficit you can achieve when you first get a job and hence store cards, or simply by taking the car to a VW dealership for a service - an experience that results in you trying to flog your liver on eBay. As a student, there’s only a certain amount of debt you can ring up, mainly because unless you are really serious about your spending, you don’t incur any expense when sleeping and there’s only a finite amount of lager you can consume.
Grown-ups envy students. Graduates envy students because they know that the next three years are going to be one long party punctuated by vomiting and the occasional lecture. Adults who did not attend higher education envy students because they imagine that the next three years are going to be one long party, without the vomiting. Most bitterly of all, graduates who failed to get into their educational establishment of choice resent the hell out of students who are now walking into first class universities with what the graduate knows to be basically a certificate of accomplishment in woodwork, seasonally adjusted to 4 A* A levels.
Hence the lure of being a mature student (oxymoron surely?). Rarely when considering a return to the halls of academe does one bring to mind the hand-knitted types that occasionally turn up to spook the kids on University Challenge, rather, one takes comfort in thinking ‘how old was Jeremy Irons when he made Brideshead Revisited anyway?’ before reaching for the prospectus of some sun-kissed uni, delightfully located in the home counties in 1928 and considering taking time out for a course in debauch and polite buggery with an option on teddy bear chastisement and alcoholism.
1 Comments:
Since I don't consider myself a student although I am technically earning a Masters degree, I consider myself to be in the "grownup" category. However, I no longer envy them. Quite recently on my visit to Raleigh we passed a group of dorky-looking kids who were surely there for orientation. I was actually relieved to be in a different place in my life than in college. And, although for circumstances I won't discuss right now, I have student loans as well, AND, I had to take out even more loans in order to get my Masters. I figured it was like spending a little money to make more money down the road. Unfortunately it hasn't paid off yet...at all.
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