VD cynic
There were, I thought, two types of people on St Valentine’s Day. Actually there are three, but florists are excepted as they spend the entire day grinning widely so you can’t tell if they are lucky in love or not.
The first is the type of person that realises that the whole thing is simply a cynical commercial exploitation of affection.
The second type of person is one who receives a card.
Espousing this theory, I had it modified by a fellow office drone. He suggested there is a third, the sort of person who comes home to find that their girlfriend, who up to this point has shown every sign of being a rational human being, has bought him a card and is eagerly expecting a card, chocs and more flowers than an East End gangster funeral. Said man is then put on spot.
There’s only one thing to do, pretend you left the card somewhere and get one from somewhere, anywhere. Do not, under any circumstances, attempt the ‘cynical exploitation’ defence or you will never have sex again.
So does this third group really exist, yup, they are called ‘men’ and they can be found every February 15th in the town of Dumpsville – population – you!
The first is the type of person that realises that the whole thing is simply a cynical commercial exploitation of affection.
The second type of person is one who receives a card.
Espousing this theory, I had it modified by a fellow office drone. He suggested there is a third, the sort of person who comes home to find that their girlfriend, who up to this point has shown every sign of being a rational human being, has bought him a card and is eagerly expecting a card, chocs and more flowers than an East End gangster funeral. Said man is then put on spot.
There’s only one thing to do, pretend you left the card somewhere and get one from somewhere, anywhere. Do not, under any circumstances, attempt the ‘cynical exploitation’ defence or you will never have sex again.
So does this third group really exist, yup, they are called ‘men’ and they can be found every February 15th in the town of Dumpsville – population – you!
1 Comments:
There is also a fourth which I've experienced this VD: The desperate attempt by an ex-bf to finally give the flowers he's not be giving for 3.5 years. Once said flowers arrive embarrassingly at office, only embarrassingly because co-workers who only vaguely know my situation want to know "who" has sent me such a beautiful bouquet, I had to immediately make it known that they were not flowers from some romantic lover that I'd just acquired, but instead, from a pathetic chump who's doing too little too late. Therefore, the receptionist now has my flowers with the condition that she gives me the vase when they die...and the reason she has them is because she saw me almost chunk them into the garbage in the breakroom and emitted a cry of horror that I'd do such a thing.
Whatever, I'm just back to being cynical instead of hopeful. It's a much more comfortable place to be.
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