Another balanced contribution to the religious debate

I see from the press that some of the more bearded members of the lands beyond these shores, known as ‘foreign’, are exercised about Salman ‘unforgetabubble’ Rushdie getting a knighthood - presumably for services to the countryside hideaway and disguise industry. This has led to spluttering bearded outrage and lots of threats to avenge this week’s insult to Islam which must, I think, be the most sensitive religion on the planet.

Islamists blowing up innocent people, while at the same time sulking every time somebody does or days something they consider to be even slightly critical of their cult, indicate the mentality of a teenager. This is why, I suppose, so many militant Islamic types are teens themselves. It’s like the emo movement but with others-harm instead of self-harm.

So, how to deal with these book-burning, bombing, bearded militants?

My approach is fairly straightforward. I carry about my person at all times a bottle of lighter fluid and a box of ‘England’s Glory’ matches. On encountering a spouting cleric, I douse, light and, after the initial shrieks have subsided and the body fat catches, lean over and ask ‘where is your god now, you beastly little mohammedan?’