Back to school with Dr Atkins
The Atkins diet has come to Macnabbs Mansions. It’s like hell for vegetarians in the kitchen at the moment, the fridge bursting with not just meat of many kinds but eggs and cheese as well. Deliveries of the stuff are now made by Lancaster Bomber dropping cows into the back garden.
I, however, am not on the Atkins. Instead I’m showing support by helping out on the consumption of meaty stuff, but either served in a bap or with chips on the side - the Atkins with carbs…essentially the Fatkins diet.
The Atkins is the perfect diet for lazy sods. Eat as much as you like and take no exercise whatsoever. The only sacrifice you have to make is that you can’t have carbohydrates. These apparently exist in far many more foods than you could possibly imagine. Bananas for instance. Bananas are bad for you when you’re on the Atkins. Fruit, bad for you, when on a diet. Something tells me that the small print at the back of the diet books shows that the research was funded by the national associations of master butchers, hog breeders and cow-pokers.
With madness such as this being accepted as a ‘diet’, it’s little wonder that this week it was revealed that a lot of kids have stopped eating school meals now that a healthier diet has been introduced. I’m not intimating that the media is owned by the same vile corporations that own the sort of food outlets that have to give you a toy to convince you to buy food there, but surely the story is not that a few thousand chavs are not now having school dinners but rather that millions of kids are now enjoying a healthier diet.
I mean, genuinely, what sort of thick-as-shit parent is going to let their kid bunk off school meals in order to go down town and get a burger? - because it’s sure as hell not one who’s going to provide a packed lunch, unless that packed lunch is packed by somebody else, such as a spotty youth in a fast-food place. Kids go back to school today and, frankly, after seeing some of the chip-guzzling, lard-arsed, lank-haired, dead-eyed fag-sucking trolls* that squeeze themselves into their full-to-bursting leggings, it’s no bloody wonder that they don’t worry about their kids diet - it looks like the only time they break a sweat is when they are confronted by salad.
Food is a subject close to my heart - increasingly so as my diet lays down the fatty deposits on my arteries, and I’ve been eating long enough to be suspicious of anyone who thinks that a skinny body lies at the bottom of a plate of sausages. The only thing you’re going to make skinny eating sausages is the pig you get the pork from.
* I’m not kidding, they look like they should be spending their time lurking under bridges and subsisting on an all-goat diet
I, however, am not on the Atkins. Instead I’m showing support by helping out on the consumption of meaty stuff, but either served in a bap or with chips on the side - the Atkins with carbs…essentially the Fatkins diet.
The Atkins is the perfect diet for lazy sods. Eat as much as you like and take no exercise whatsoever. The only sacrifice you have to make is that you can’t have carbohydrates. These apparently exist in far many more foods than you could possibly imagine. Bananas for instance. Bananas are bad for you when you’re on the Atkins. Fruit, bad for you, when on a diet. Something tells me that the small print at the back of the diet books shows that the research was funded by the national associations of master butchers, hog breeders and cow-pokers.
With madness such as this being accepted as a ‘diet’, it’s little wonder that this week it was revealed that a lot of kids have stopped eating school meals now that a healthier diet has been introduced. I’m not intimating that the media is owned by the same vile corporations that own the sort of food outlets that have to give you a toy to convince you to buy food there, but surely the story is not that a few thousand chavs are not now having school dinners but rather that millions of kids are now enjoying a healthier diet.
I mean, genuinely, what sort of thick-as-shit parent is going to let their kid bunk off school meals in order to go down town and get a burger? - because it’s sure as hell not one who’s going to provide a packed lunch, unless that packed lunch is packed by somebody else, such as a spotty youth in a fast-food place. Kids go back to school today and, frankly, after seeing some of the chip-guzzling, lard-arsed, lank-haired, dead-eyed fag-sucking trolls* that squeeze themselves into their full-to-bursting leggings, it’s no bloody wonder that they don’t worry about their kids diet - it looks like the only time they break a sweat is when they are confronted by salad.
Food is a subject close to my heart - increasingly so as my diet lays down the fatty deposits on my arteries, and I’ve been eating long enough to be suspicious of anyone who thinks that a skinny body lies at the bottom of a plate of sausages. The only thing you’re going to make skinny eating sausages is the pig you get the pork from.
* I’m not kidding, they look like they should be spending their time lurking under bridges and subsisting on an all-goat diet
1 Comments:
Atkins is the best. I've been on it several times. Unfortunately, I always cave in and drink wine which is NOT on the diet....apparently you're only supposed to have shots of hard liquor when on the Atkins diet. Unfortunately, after shots of hard liquor, I forget that I'm on the diet and then totally blow it by indulging in whatever happens to be in front of me at the moment OR by having a hangover so bad the next morning that it requires a sausage biscuit cure.
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