12 days of Christmas – Boxing Day
In the run up to Christmas the house smelled of pine from the tree. On Christmas Eve the aroma of cooking filled the house. Christmas Day and the house smelled of selection box and booze.
Boxing Day…the place did smell of bleach but thanks to the wonder of scented candles now smells of…vanilla I think but it says ‘Ocean Spray’ on the candle. I am, however, learning the ways of married life and know better than to suggest simply opening a bloody window if we want some fresh air.
The reason for all this is the Royal Visit! That is, my family are visiting for Christmas. This has necessitated what I believe is called a ‘deep clean’, which I think involves filling a leafblower full of bleach and turning it to ‘blow like buggery’. Put it this way – I never knew a loo could smell that fresh. As for the environmental damage of the various cleaning products: all environmental damage is measured in comparison to Wales. It used to be Belgium, but since the environmental situation got worse, we needed a bigger country. So, deforestation is happening on the size of a Wales a day. They also manage, oddly, to measure cubic CO2 emissions using Wales.
So, not being arsed to make up my own environmentally sound cleaning products from the lemons leftover from the G&T and my own ammonia-rich pee, we turned to the bottles of stuff that have Estonian warning labels on them and are probably banned in the EU or they stopped making in 1973 (you need to go to the right web-sites to get ‘gleamo’)
Make no mistake, having the family and new puppy come to stay is a big deal – I feel like getting a plaque made or something.
As for my hospitality tactics – simple, I intend to feed my normally teetotal lot enough booze to, if not float a yacht, at least float them though the festive period with a fizzy fuzzy sense of wellbeing so that they will end the visit knowing that they have had a good time even if they cannot recall any particular aspects of it.
As for the environment, I’m going to encourage the puppy to pee over as much as the garden as possible in an effort to deter cats, foxes and, at this time of year, deer, from using the back garden as a commode. If that doesn’t work, I shall have to look into renting a bear.
Boxing Day…the place did smell of bleach but thanks to the wonder of scented candles now smells of…vanilla I think but it says ‘Ocean Spray’ on the candle. I am, however, learning the ways of married life and know better than to suggest simply opening a bloody window if we want some fresh air.
The reason for all this is the Royal Visit! That is, my family are visiting for Christmas. This has necessitated what I believe is called a ‘deep clean’, which I think involves filling a leafblower full of bleach and turning it to ‘blow like buggery’. Put it this way – I never knew a loo could smell that fresh. As for the environmental damage of the various cleaning products: all environmental damage is measured in comparison to Wales. It used to be Belgium, but since the environmental situation got worse, we needed a bigger country. So, deforestation is happening on the size of a Wales a day. They also manage, oddly, to measure cubic CO2 emissions using Wales.
So, not being arsed to make up my own environmentally sound cleaning products from the lemons leftover from the G&T and my own ammonia-rich pee, we turned to the bottles of stuff that have Estonian warning labels on them and are probably banned in the EU or they stopped making in 1973 (you need to go to the right web-sites to get ‘gleamo’)
Make no mistake, having the family and new puppy come to stay is a big deal – I feel like getting a plaque made or something.
As for my hospitality tactics – simple, I intend to feed my normally teetotal lot enough booze to, if not float a yacht, at least float them though the festive period with a fizzy fuzzy sense of wellbeing so that they will end the visit knowing that they have had a good time even if they cannot recall any particular aspects of it.
As for the environment, I’m going to encourage the puppy to pee over as much as the garden as possible in an effort to deter cats, foxes and, at this time of year, deer, from using the back garden as a commode. If that doesn’t work, I shall have to look into renting a bear.
Labels: Boxing Day, Christmas, Cleaning
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