In the news
That’s it, it’s time to roll up the internet. I don’t care what you’ve used it for, updating your status on Facebook to tell everyone you’ve left your wife to get together with your school squeeze that you contacted through Friends Reunited (remember that?), selling second hand tat, buying yet more tat, tweeting, twittering, twatting and looking at porn, porn, porn. Doesn’t matter, nothing will ever be as good as this story:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-12161449
That’s right, a drunk Russian circus. This story has everything, clowns, dangerous animals, ‘mythical beasts' and all of it soaked in alcohol and sadness. And not just any sadness, Russian sadness. Their plays are famously dour but, by God, it takes misery to new heights to have a sad circus. It’s like Ray Bradbury had collaborated on a story with Charles Bukowski. The bit about the family walking through a blizzard, a BLIZZARD, to see the circus only to find that it had been shut down by the police before it could be burned down by the folk who had seen the first, and only, show is enough to make a gargoyle weep. Instead, it was just the children blubbing.
Crying kiddies aside, this is a great idea. I mean, normally at any sort of show you expect the audience to have had a drink, but the performers as well? Genius! Everyone knows that the only way a normal person can tolerate theatre and especially musicals is to bolt gin both beforehand and during the interval. Who can doubt that the RSC would not put in even greater performances if the actors were hammered too, and can you imagine the reviews ‘Patrick Stewart was the greatest pissed Polonius ever to throw up on the stage of the Swan’?
And why draw the line at theatre? Formula 1 is just blokes in cars going round and round while the teams argue about diffusers, which I thought was something that you fitted to a hairdryer. Any sport that the teams look to settle in court is not to be respected but, what if every time a driver pitted, he had to down a vodka shot? Obviously Red Bull would dominate yet again but it would be good to see the drivers knocking the stuff back instead of just advertising it.
I actually went to the circus once. I dimly recall a lady in spangly tights and a sense of tremendous enjoyment but what I remember most clearly was the sheer amount of snacking I got through – a hot dog smothered in sauce and onion, popcorn and God alone knows what else. I probably didn’t need fed again for a week. Certainly the circus comes every year to the village, no doubt to give children the opportunity to run away somewhere for a life of mucking out the clown caravan and nursing a crush on the trapeze girl.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-12161449
That’s right, a drunk Russian circus. This story has everything, clowns, dangerous animals, ‘mythical beasts' and all of it soaked in alcohol and sadness. And not just any sadness, Russian sadness. Their plays are famously dour but, by God, it takes misery to new heights to have a sad circus. It’s like Ray Bradbury had collaborated on a story with Charles Bukowski. The bit about the family walking through a blizzard, a BLIZZARD, to see the circus only to find that it had been shut down by the police before it could be burned down by the folk who had seen the first, and only, show is enough to make a gargoyle weep. Instead, it was just the children blubbing.
Crying kiddies aside, this is a great idea. I mean, normally at any sort of show you expect the audience to have had a drink, but the performers as well? Genius! Everyone knows that the only way a normal person can tolerate theatre and especially musicals is to bolt gin both beforehand and during the interval. Who can doubt that the RSC would not put in even greater performances if the actors were hammered too, and can you imagine the reviews ‘Patrick Stewart was the greatest pissed Polonius ever to throw up on the stage of the Swan’?
And why draw the line at theatre? Formula 1 is just blokes in cars going round and round while the teams argue about diffusers, which I thought was something that you fitted to a hairdryer. Any sport that the teams look to settle in court is not to be respected but, what if every time a driver pitted, he had to down a vodka shot? Obviously Red Bull would dominate yet again but it would be good to see the drivers knocking the stuff back instead of just advertising it.
I actually went to the circus once. I dimly recall a lady in spangly tights and a sense of tremendous enjoyment but what I remember most clearly was the sheer amount of snacking I got through – a hot dog smothered in sauce and onion, popcorn and God alone knows what else. I probably didn’t need fed again for a week. Certainly the circus comes every year to the village, no doubt to give children the opportunity to run away somewhere for a life of mucking out the clown caravan and nursing a crush on the trapeze girl.
Labels: Alcohol, Circus, Drinking, Formula 1, News, Russia, Sport
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