Listmania
If you want somebody to do something, put it in a list. Lists have much more natural authority than long, rambling and slightly preachy paragraphs of prose. The ten commandments for instance, the original list, ten things you should not do. Can you imagine if it wasn’t in the form of a list? Moses would have come down from the mountain with, well, some stuff about coveting and something about a false idol, which would just leave everyone wondering if this was about some new Simon Cowell show.
Lists are interesting, it’s good to be at the top of certain lists (‘most popular’) and not so good to be at the top of other lists (‘most wanted’). What people look for in a list is themselves, whether it’s their neighbourhood being described as a desirable area, or a reflection of their skills or status. Being on a list in whole or in part validates us, especially if it’s printed. That’s why when you chance across an article listing ‘the five symptoms of Denge Fever’ or something, you come away convinced that you have contracted some vile malady and are left wondering if the local chemist sells powdered lizard feet or whatever the bloody cure is.
A couple of weeks ago ‘Country Life’ magazine published an edition containing a list of thirty nine skills that youths should have by the time they leave school, recognising that a formal education can be a narrow one and that while it might equip one well for spelling or adding up, as well as doodling in exercise books or looking out of a window daydreaming to the point of drooling, one needs skills beyond those picked up in the classroom.
I read the list and thought it was an entirely reasonable set of expectations, my only criticism being it omits some core skills, such as knowing what wine to serve with swan.
This from the May 4, 2011 edition of ‘Country Life’ magazine.
Every young man and woman should know how to:
1. Cook three different dinner party menus
2. Say 'Can you help me please' in Arabic, Cantonese, Urdu, Spanish and Russian
3. Play a musical instrument, even if it's just the tom-toms or a mouth organ
4. Ride a horse to jackaroo standard
5. Be a 'tech whisperer', able to fix and set up the latest technogadgets
6. Talk about five classics of English literature with authority and passion
7. Perform resuscitation on someone who has stopped breathing
8. Know how to grow carrots from seed, distinguish five native trees, identify 20 flowers and arrange a bunch
9. Handle a shotgun, skin a rabbit, gut a fish and pluck a pigeon
10. Repair a bicycle puncture and fix the chain
11. Dance the eightsome reel, waltz to Strauss and bop to Lady Gaga
12. Taste the difference between Sauvignon Blanc and Chardonnay and know how to mix a mojito or margarita
13. Write a memorable thank you letter
14. Recognise music by Mozart, Elgar and Handel.
15. Put up a shelf and change a plug
16. Tie a bow tie, bowline and Bloody Butcher
17. Sail a boat across the Solent
18. Carve a joint of meat
19. Tell the difference between Gothic, Baroque and Palladian architecture
20. Make a speech, entertain an audience with a joke or an anecdote, and sing at least two songs by heart
21. Drive a tractor, reverse a trailer, renew engine oil and change a wheel
22. Find their way round five capital cities
23. Host a party and put others at their ease
24. Sustain a 10-shot rally at tennis
25. Build a bonfire and lay a fire
26. Perform three good card tricks
27. Identify five constellations and find the North Star
28. Score a cricket match
29. Talk knowledgeably about five British landmarks
30. Uncork and pour a bottle of Champagne
31. Iron a shirt, sew on a button and sew up a hem
32. Amuse small children for at least an hour with magic tricks and storytelling
33. Read a map, pitch a tent and pack a rucksack
34. Be authoritatively acquainted with at least one work by da Vinci, Constable, Degas, Turner and Canaletto
35. Manage a bank account
36. Slip away from a football riot
37. Address a member of the Royal Family
38. Complain effectively but politely in a restaurant
39. Deliver a lamb.
Lists are popular in magazines, you can compile one by gathering random suggestions from the office, they don’t cost anything to compile and, crucially, they don’t require any fact-checking or invite legal challenge unless they are of the ‘rare breed ducks that some famous footballer has shagged’ variety
It’s also gratifying to compare your own life skills and abilities to those listed. If the magazine has got its demographic right then the reader should feel pleasingly smug at having some, most or all of the skills listed. So much better than those ‘personality’ quizzes in the glossies that you take, score ‘mostly c’s’ on and discover that, apparently, you are a psychopath and not a kleptomaniac at all, something of a surprise given that you shoplifted the mag.
The other thing about lists is that they are endlessly adaptable, this one from the 2010 February/March edition (Number 49) of ‘The Chap’ magazine listed the qualities a husband should possess.
Chap husbandry
A prospective husband should possess at least five of the following qualities
A duelling scar obtained in Heidelberg
A picturesque war-wound, but not a libido-threatening one
The ability to hit a playing card at twenty paces with a Webley
The ability to late cut between first and second slip
A set in Albany
A hint of danger
A cruel set to the lips
A goodish DSO or a decent MC
A square jaw
A poetic forehead
A strong head for absinthe
A Himalayan peak named after him
Fluent French and passable Arabic
A mother who isn’t a very good cook
A talent to step into a play when the actor pulls out at the last minute and steal the show
Sang-froid, savoir-faire and noblesse oblige
Being able to drive and navigate at the same time
Two Olympic gold medals
A talent for the trombone
Millions of pounds
Lists are interesting, it’s good to be at the top of certain lists (‘most popular’) and not so good to be at the top of other lists (‘most wanted’). What people look for in a list is themselves, whether it’s their neighbourhood being described as a desirable area, or a reflection of their skills or status. Being on a list in whole or in part validates us, especially if it’s printed. That’s why when you chance across an article listing ‘the five symptoms of Denge Fever’ or something, you come away convinced that you have contracted some vile malady and are left wondering if the local chemist sells powdered lizard feet or whatever the bloody cure is.
A couple of weeks ago ‘Country Life’ magazine published an edition containing a list of thirty nine skills that youths should have by the time they leave school, recognising that a formal education can be a narrow one and that while it might equip one well for spelling or adding up, as well as doodling in exercise books or looking out of a window daydreaming to the point of drooling, one needs skills beyond those picked up in the classroom.
I read the list and thought it was an entirely reasonable set of expectations, my only criticism being it omits some core skills, such as knowing what wine to serve with swan.
This from the May 4, 2011 edition of ‘Country Life’ magazine.
Every young man and woman should know how to:
1. Cook three different dinner party menus
2. Say 'Can you help me please' in Arabic, Cantonese, Urdu, Spanish and Russian
3. Play a musical instrument, even if it's just the tom-toms or a mouth organ
4. Ride a horse to jackaroo standard
5. Be a 'tech whisperer', able to fix and set up the latest technogadgets
6. Talk about five classics of English literature with authority and passion
7. Perform resuscitation on someone who has stopped breathing
8. Know how to grow carrots from seed, distinguish five native trees, identify 20 flowers and arrange a bunch
9. Handle a shotgun, skin a rabbit, gut a fish and pluck a pigeon
10. Repair a bicycle puncture and fix the chain
11. Dance the eightsome reel, waltz to Strauss and bop to Lady Gaga
12. Taste the difference between Sauvignon Blanc and Chardonnay and know how to mix a mojito or margarita
13. Write a memorable thank you letter
14. Recognise music by Mozart, Elgar and Handel.
15. Put up a shelf and change a plug
16. Tie a bow tie, bowline and Bloody Butcher
17. Sail a boat across the Solent
18. Carve a joint of meat
19. Tell the difference between Gothic, Baroque and Palladian architecture
20. Make a speech, entertain an audience with a joke or an anecdote, and sing at least two songs by heart
21. Drive a tractor, reverse a trailer, renew engine oil and change a wheel
22. Find their way round five capital cities
23. Host a party and put others at their ease
24. Sustain a 10-shot rally at tennis
25. Build a bonfire and lay a fire
26. Perform three good card tricks
27. Identify five constellations and find the North Star
28. Score a cricket match
29. Talk knowledgeably about five British landmarks
30. Uncork and pour a bottle of Champagne
31. Iron a shirt, sew on a button and sew up a hem
32. Amuse small children for at least an hour with magic tricks and storytelling
33. Read a map, pitch a tent and pack a rucksack
34. Be authoritatively acquainted with at least one work by da Vinci, Constable, Degas, Turner and Canaletto
35. Manage a bank account
36. Slip away from a football riot
37. Address a member of the Royal Family
38. Complain effectively but politely in a restaurant
39. Deliver a lamb.
Lists are popular in magazines, you can compile one by gathering random suggestions from the office, they don’t cost anything to compile and, crucially, they don’t require any fact-checking or invite legal challenge unless they are of the ‘rare breed ducks that some famous footballer has shagged’ variety
It’s also gratifying to compare your own life skills and abilities to those listed. If the magazine has got its demographic right then the reader should feel pleasingly smug at having some, most or all of the skills listed. So much better than those ‘personality’ quizzes in the glossies that you take, score ‘mostly c’s’ on and discover that, apparently, you are a psychopath and not a kleptomaniac at all, something of a surprise given that you shoplifted the mag.
The other thing about lists is that they are endlessly adaptable, this one from the 2010 February/March edition (Number 49) of ‘The Chap’ magazine listed the qualities a husband should possess.
Chap husbandry
A prospective husband should possess at least five of the following qualities
A duelling scar obtained in Heidelberg
A picturesque war-wound, but not a libido-threatening one
The ability to hit a playing card at twenty paces with a Webley
The ability to late cut between first and second slip
A set in Albany
A hint of danger
A cruel set to the lips
A goodish DSO or a decent MC
A square jaw
A poetic forehead
A strong head for absinthe
A Himalayan peak named after him
Fluent French and passable Arabic
A mother who isn’t a very good cook
A talent to step into a play when the actor pulls out at the last minute and steal the show
Sang-froid, savoir-faire and noblesse oblige
Being able to drive and navigate at the same time
Two Olympic gold medals
A talent for the trombone
Millions of pounds
Labels: Country Life, Country Life magazine, Media
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