Fat Faced
I have been accused of finding 'Fat Face' 'just in time'. I was going to deny the accusation, but as I sat there in my cargo shorts, tee shirt and hoodie all from the aforementioned shop, I think I would have been short on evidence, even if I was, as always, long on indignation. I decided to sulk instead.
Whoever came up with the Fat Face brand is a marketing genius. The business model is simple - make young persons' clothes in middle-aged persons' sizes, and staff the shop with young people who can keep a straight face when they see their hundredth bloke of the day holding in his gut as he tries on a shirt.
Their slogan is 'it's never too late to become what you've always wanted to be' or something. I hate to argue, but judging by the way I nearly passed out the last time I had to run for my train, it is now too late for me to do anything athletic enough to bring me the sort of success and recognition necessary to get lucrative sponsorship, a video game franchise and a fizzy drink or shoe named after me, so allowing me to stop doing whatever it was that made me sweaty yet wealthy and allow me instead to recline on the sofa, watching DVD box sets and eating cheese.
Let's be clear, cargo pants should not go up to a size forty waist. If you want to dress like a surfer dude, you should be willing to exercise, do crystal meth, or both.
As for me, whether I found it just in time or not, I am just happy that they always seem to have something on the sale rack, and that their clothes are so comfy, even if it means I do look like the shitest surfer ever.
Whoever came up with the Fat Face brand is a marketing genius. The business model is simple - make young persons' clothes in middle-aged persons' sizes, and staff the shop with young people who can keep a straight face when they see their hundredth bloke of the day holding in his gut as he tries on a shirt.
Their slogan is 'it's never too late to become what you've always wanted to be' or something. I hate to argue, but judging by the way I nearly passed out the last time I had to run for my train, it is now too late for me to do anything athletic enough to bring me the sort of success and recognition necessary to get lucrative sponsorship, a video game franchise and a fizzy drink or shoe named after me, so allowing me to stop doing whatever it was that made me sweaty yet wealthy and allow me instead to recline on the sofa, watching DVD box sets and eating cheese.
Let's be clear, cargo pants should not go up to a size forty waist. If you want to dress like a surfer dude, you should be willing to exercise, do crystal meth, or both.
As for me, whether I found it just in time or not, I am just happy that they always seem to have something on the sale rack, and that their clothes are so comfy, even if it means I do look like the shitest surfer ever.
Labels: Adult dysfunction, Clothes, Exercise, Fat Face, Surfing
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home