Thursday, January 12, 2012

A change of scene - clubs

While some strive to make the world a better place, others strive for a perfect world, a select few strive for their perfect world and the realists strive to make a part of the world a better place. And if that part is their part, so much the better! The realists establish clubs.

Clubs are areas of the universe where your rules, or at least the rules of you and people like you, well, rule. They establish a set of parameters for your universe, like no women, no pooches, or no people from whatever ethnic group fell out of favour during your formative years or possibly had an affair with your mother, or 'other nanny' as you may have called her.

Let's not get all snobbish about clubs. They start in tree houses and tents where kids brave septicaemia and dishonour by using a pen knife to swear eternal brotherhood to the person with the gash in their palm rapidly going very pale.

Clubs like initiation ceremonies. They are like gangs in that regard. The essential difference is this; if somebody is trying to insert something into you, you are joining a club. If you are tying to insert something into something, you are joining a gang. If you are doing either while wearing a blindfold, you are joining a society.

It's a simple enough proposition. Within four walls, or a set of rooms, or a cellar, you create what you consider to be a restful environment. Where you can relax after a hard day. If you consider that the leather in question might be, for instance, the wallpaper, or attached to shackles, or simply fashioned into a gimp suit, then certainly, that sort of club has its place, possibly in the aforementioned cellar, more usually and depressingly in the converted back bedroom of a semi in a dormitory town with excellent connections to the motorway and a population leaning towards middle management and intolerance of gypsies.

If, however, you consider that the best use for leather is to cover very comfy armchairs and provide the binding for collected back issues of 'Country Life', then that's much closer to what a real club should be. A real club serves two purposes - oh it allows for rest, relaxation and a place to retreat from the cares of the world, such as hustle, bustle, and family, but there's more to it than that. The two purposes a club serves are firstly to allow one to gather together with people of similar interests, be it political, recreational or vocational. The second purpose, almost more important, is to deny anyone who does not share your views membership. Essentially, you want any conversation to be minimal and agreeable, along the lines of;

"I say, this man Cameron. He's an absolute shit!"
"Quite so."

And that's that.

Yes, a gentleman's club is where you make your own universe, a bit like glue sniffing but with more leather and servants. A good club should be a place where one can get a decent drink, tolerable food and your view of the world reinforced whenever needed, all from the comfort of an overstuffed armchair.

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