Apple and Mac
For some strange reason, the Mac Help function on my powerbook has gone a bit funny. This may have something to do with some of the games I had on the Mac, or possibly a gremlin picked up over the internet, most likely when I was examining some knuckle-bitingly hard-core porn). Whatever, it was beyond my ken to fix it (reboot?) and so it meant a trip to the 'genius bar' at Apple's shop on Regent's Street.
Fearing that travel by tube would mean that my powerbook might be damaged when some Mohammedan detonated a suitcase full of fertilizer next to me, I walked from Victoria. This assured that I arrived both sweaty and crumpled, but in one piece.
The Apple Shop was described once in an article in the Telegraph (not my copy, I, er…picked it up somewhere) as a temple, and the writer was right. The place is white and cavernous and attended by acolytes robed in black.
I'd booked my slot and waited to be called. No tea or coffee in the waiting area, I don't think liquids and laptops mix. Looking around, it was very much an apple crowd. No shaved heads, no football shirts and a lot of crumpled linen. The place seemed to be doing a roaring trade in iPods and so on. All the blokes had designer glasses on (too much porn?) and all the women were thin and denim clad (picking up the iSights to set up their porn-cam and so pay off all those student tuition loans?).
'Kiki' poked at my laptop for about an hour, but was unable to solve the problem (in the end we created another profile - for Lou - and the help function worked in that, so okay. Now every time I want advice, I have to consult Lou…just like real life.)
So the problem was solved, sort of and I have to say that the experience was, overall, satisfactory. The idea of a 'genius' bar is very Apple…I can't see them having one in every Dixon's shop for example - 'twat bar' would be a better bet there. The attention of my genius, Kiki, was occasionally distracted by a young lady with an iPod problem. It took the team quite a while to work out why her iPod would not load music…she had neglected to buy a computer to load it from.
Come to think of it, there's nothing in the ads that specify you need a computer is there? Nevertheless, one of the staff identified her as what I can only assume is a specific customer type - a 'milkshake', that is: sweet, but thick.
Managed to get out of the shop without buying a new photo iPod, although wanted one very much. Have also now decided that Powerbook will not be for games, even though 'Call of Duty' truly rocked! Did buy a new mouse. My pebble mouse that came with my iMac has finally given up the ghost, after only five years! Tut! It wasn't until Lou said 'oh well, it lasted really well, and the children have only really been playing with it for the last year or so' that I decided to beat the little mouse-abusing sods the next time I see them.
Was very tempted to get an wireless mouse, but decided to put the money towards beer instead.
The Apple Store breaks down as follows: ground floor - full of people that have wandered in to play with the shiny stuff. There appear to be a lot of tourists here and I assume many of them are wondering if they can e mail home for free using any of the display stuff. I usually try to avoid the ground floor, not only is it always crowded but I am worried I might go mad and buy that huge display I'm lusting after (which will, of course, make me truly happy, as only things can).
Upper floor - theatre. This is where they have the tutorials and where you see apple owning types lounging back, recharging their powerbooks and dozing as they pretend to be interested in how to get fugle-horns on 'garage band'.
Genius Bar - populated by those that have glitches and also by an alarmingly large number of what appear to be stupid people.
iPod area - closely scrutinised by security guards guarding against shoplifters but confused that everyone, and I mean everyone, in the shop is already wearing an iPod.
Multimedia bit - appears to be populated by women with arses designed to look good on stools…or in the lap of somebody who can give them a job in media.
Fearing that travel by tube would mean that my powerbook might be damaged when some Mohammedan detonated a suitcase full of fertilizer next to me, I walked from Victoria. This assured that I arrived both sweaty and crumpled, but in one piece.
The Apple Shop was described once in an article in the Telegraph (not my copy, I, er…picked it up somewhere) as a temple, and the writer was right. The place is white and cavernous and attended by acolytes robed in black.
I'd booked my slot and waited to be called. No tea or coffee in the waiting area, I don't think liquids and laptops mix. Looking around, it was very much an apple crowd. No shaved heads, no football shirts and a lot of crumpled linen. The place seemed to be doing a roaring trade in iPods and so on. All the blokes had designer glasses on (too much porn?) and all the women were thin and denim clad (picking up the iSights to set up their porn-cam and so pay off all those student tuition loans?).
'Kiki' poked at my laptop for about an hour, but was unable to solve the problem (in the end we created another profile - for Lou - and the help function worked in that, so okay. Now every time I want advice, I have to consult Lou…just like real life.)
So the problem was solved, sort of and I have to say that the experience was, overall, satisfactory. The idea of a 'genius' bar is very Apple…I can't see them having one in every Dixon's shop for example - 'twat bar' would be a better bet there. The attention of my genius, Kiki, was occasionally distracted by a young lady with an iPod problem. It took the team quite a while to work out why her iPod would not load music…she had neglected to buy a computer to load it from.
Come to think of it, there's nothing in the ads that specify you need a computer is there? Nevertheless, one of the staff identified her as what I can only assume is a specific customer type - a 'milkshake', that is: sweet, but thick.
Managed to get out of the shop without buying a new photo iPod, although wanted one very much. Have also now decided that Powerbook will not be for games, even though 'Call of Duty' truly rocked! Did buy a new mouse. My pebble mouse that came with my iMac has finally given up the ghost, after only five years! Tut! It wasn't until Lou said 'oh well, it lasted really well, and the children have only really been playing with it for the last year or so' that I decided to beat the little mouse-abusing sods the next time I see them.
Was very tempted to get an wireless mouse, but decided to put the money towards beer instead.
The Apple Store breaks down as follows: ground floor - full of people that have wandered in to play with the shiny stuff. There appear to be a lot of tourists here and I assume many of them are wondering if they can e mail home for free using any of the display stuff. I usually try to avoid the ground floor, not only is it always crowded but I am worried I might go mad and buy that huge display I'm lusting after (which will, of course, make me truly happy, as only things can).
Upper floor - theatre. This is where they have the tutorials and where you see apple owning types lounging back, recharging their powerbooks and dozing as they pretend to be interested in how to get fugle-horns on 'garage band'.
Genius Bar - populated by those that have glitches and also by an alarmingly large number of what appear to be stupid people.
iPod area - closely scrutinised by security guards guarding against shoplifters but confused that everyone, and I mean everyone, in the shop is already wearing an iPod.
Multimedia bit - appears to be populated by women with arses designed to look good on stools…or in the lap of somebody who can give them a job in media.
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