Krispy Kreme your Keks
Staff meeting this morning and as boss is on leave it's my turn to buy the doughnuts. Decide to curry favour by getting posh ones, boss usually scavenges in the reduced bin at local blue and white fleecer for remaindered stale bakery rejects and so I decide to buy loyalty of staff with upmarket stuff.
Stride off train and make way manfully to Krispy Kreme stall at Victoria Station. Usually this is ten deep in American tourists (actually, just two deep, but with their enormous arses it looks like ten people) as baseball-capped trailer trash flatten the stall to get their fatty fix.
Terrorist outrage means that there are no American tourists and so I pitch up.
'Half a dozen assorted doughnuts please'.
The girl behind the counter is an excellent advertisement for her product. I peg her as an American student who, because she has the sort of arse that actually shows up on OS maps as a series of tightly packed contour lines, has decided not to pursue the traditional student method of raising money in London, that is, stripping, lap dancing, escort work and other light-prostitution work, but has instead decided to lend some authenticity to the deep fried taste of home that is sugar glazed and full of jam and custard.
'Did you know that for an extra £1.50 you can get the full dozen?'
I'm paralysed by indecision. On the one hand I don't want to look like some poor sod who spends all day feeding himself doughnuts while watching videos on animal husbandry and fiddling with himself…but can I pass up a bargain?
No, I can't.
'Okay. Thanks'.
So..how do they taste? Well, odd, really. Even on the unglazed ones, you can taste the fat or whatever it is they fry them in. As for the glazed ones…the bottom of them is covered with an unpleasant lard-like substance. There is a distinct aftertaste. Maybe it's the lard, maybe it's the fat or maybe it's some disgruntled worker and I caught a bad batch.
My staff loved them. I am actually quite frightened of the effect they are having on me. For instance, there is a dull pain in my chest…I can actually FEEL my teeth and my WPM has rocketed, as has the number of mistakes that I am making. Spellchecker is in meltdown!
Luckily, I am offsetting the sugar, fat and additives with gallons of coffee, so that's okay then!
Stride off train and make way manfully to Krispy Kreme stall at Victoria Station. Usually this is ten deep in American tourists (actually, just two deep, but with their enormous arses it looks like ten people) as baseball-capped trailer trash flatten the stall to get their fatty fix.
Terrorist outrage means that there are no American tourists and so I pitch up.
'Half a dozen assorted doughnuts please'.
The girl behind the counter is an excellent advertisement for her product. I peg her as an American student who, because she has the sort of arse that actually shows up on OS maps as a series of tightly packed contour lines, has decided not to pursue the traditional student method of raising money in London, that is, stripping, lap dancing, escort work and other light-prostitution work, but has instead decided to lend some authenticity to the deep fried taste of home that is sugar glazed and full of jam and custard.
'Did you know that for an extra £1.50 you can get the full dozen?'
I'm paralysed by indecision. On the one hand I don't want to look like some poor sod who spends all day feeding himself doughnuts while watching videos on animal husbandry and fiddling with himself…but can I pass up a bargain?
No, I can't.
'Okay. Thanks'.
So..how do they taste? Well, odd, really. Even on the unglazed ones, you can taste the fat or whatever it is they fry them in. As for the glazed ones…the bottom of them is covered with an unpleasant lard-like substance. There is a distinct aftertaste. Maybe it's the lard, maybe it's the fat or maybe it's some disgruntled worker and I caught a bad batch.
My staff loved them. I am actually quite frightened of the effect they are having on me. For instance, there is a dull pain in my chest…I can actually FEEL my teeth and my WPM has rocketed, as has the number of mistakes that I am making. Spellchecker is in meltdown!
Luckily, I am offsetting the sugar, fat and additives with gallons of coffee, so that's okay then!
4 Comments:
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OK, apparently no one comments on this blog, so I will go ahead and express my annoyance with the "American arse" comments. And yes, that aftertaste is lard. Learn it, live it, love it. Krispy Kreme isn't all that bad. You seem to have met only fat, lazy Americans because, quite frankly, the ones with real jobs don't have the time or money to romp around Britain and Europe...they're working!
PS. this is kind of fun~ I usually only read blogs written by friends...
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