Cough, splutter
When you’re a kmid, being sick means missing double maths, watching ‘crown court’ on the telly and sitting on the sofa feeling feverish, but smug and re-reading old comics.
When you’re a grown up, being sick means feeling like hell and, as you lurch towards middle age, and especially if you’re a bloke, being sick is a brush with your own mortality. Having been struck down by a virus that’s doing the rounds…
…and let’s discuss that for a second. I put it all down to skimmed milk. I’m never ill, except when I come off full fat milk. Which I did a couple of weeks ago. What was I thinking (I was thinking it’s cheaper to lose weight than buy new trousers) and bingo, sick as a PC without a firewall. Full fat milk is my virusguard and from now on I’m going to top it up with cream and butter.
Anyhoo…a virus is doing the rounds and the symptoms are basically a cold and a headache. This does not stop me thinking a) I have bird-flu strain HE1P! b) My headache is in fact a brain haemorrhage (comedy moment - would not a brain haemorrhage in my case manifest as a pain in the arse) and of course c) a bad mango is going to make me the only person in the northern hemisphere to die of Bora Bora Billabong disease.
Basically there’s nothing to do but drink lots of fluids, flick channels at such speed that it creates a strobe effect and wait to get better. This of course happened but only after I had downed enough medication to see off half of Jonestown and lapped up a LOT of bad telly. Still, now that I’m fighting fit again I can feel my interest in life piqued once more - meaning that I haven’t had a drink in a week and it’s a leaving do tonight. Cheers!
Oh, as well as milk, fruit is going to be my back-up virusguard. But who has time to peel and eat the stuff these days, which is why I’m blitzing everything in a blender and downing smoothies in single gulps. All five portions in a glass! It’s great. I wonder if I could adopt the same method to get my daily number of alcohol units although my problem to date has been that I manage a week’s worth in a few glasses in one evening.
When you’re a grown up, being sick means feeling like hell and, as you lurch towards middle age, and especially if you’re a bloke, being sick is a brush with your own mortality. Having been struck down by a virus that’s doing the rounds…
…and let’s discuss that for a second. I put it all down to skimmed milk. I’m never ill, except when I come off full fat milk. Which I did a couple of weeks ago. What was I thinking (I was thinking it’s cheaper to lose weight than buy new trousers) and bingo, sick as a PC without a firewall. Full fat milk is my virusguard and from now on I’m going to top it up with cream and butter.
Anyhoo…a virus is doing the rounds and the symptoms are basically a cold and a headache. This does not stop me thinking a) I have bird-flu strain HE1P! b) My headache is in fact a brain haemorrhage (comedy moment - would not a brain haemorrhage in my case manifest as a pain in the arse) and of course c) a bad mango is going to make me the only person in the northern hemisphere to die of Bora Bora Billabong disease.
Basically there’s nothing to do but drink lots of fluids, flick channels at such speed that it creates a strobe effect and wait to get better. This of course happened but only after I had downed enough medication to see off half of Jonestown and lapped up a LOT of bad telly. Still, now that I’m fighting fit again I can feel my interest in life piqued once more - meaning that I haven’t had a drink in a week and it’s a leaving do tonight. Cheers!
Oh, as well as milk, fruit is going to be my back-up virusguard. But who has time to peel and eat the stuff these days, which is why I’m blitzing everything in a blender and downing smoothies in single gulps. All five portions in a glass! It’s great. I wonder if I could adopt the same method to get my daily number of alcohol units although my problem to date has been that I manage a week’s worth in a few glasses in one evening.
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