Power to the people
Micro generation is a particular hobby horse of mine, so much so in fact that if the amount of energy I use up banging on about it were fed into the national grid, it could power a small Welsh village.
Solar is a passive generation though. If I am going to spend money, I am going for wind or water.
Wind is fabulous because not only does your home look like the set of tellytubbies (meaning you can have an excuse for approximating their body shape) but you can also pretend to be Windy Miller. Being a mute albino in an apron and the hat of an Amish serial-killer has a lot of attractions, such as being accompanied everywhere you go by a voice-over. Imagine how useful that would be in everyday life. ‘What’s that Macnabbs, you think this shop assistant is a tosspot and if they ask you about buying an extended warranty one more time you’re going to insert a humerous vegetable into them?’ That, coming over the shops loudspeaker system would soon focus attention.
The alternative is water generation. Beloved of hill farms in remote areas, water turbines are, from what I can determine, the drum of a washing machine dumped in a brook and connected to your mains with a couple of jump-leads salvaged from a raid on an AA van. Developments in miniaturisation mean that teacup-sized water turbines are only a few years away. One can clip them to your downpipe from the gutter, from the shower and from the dishwasher. Placing one in the centre of the loo bowl will mean that you can charge your iPod with meritorious matriculation.
Conventional energy generation techniques such as rubbing balloons on heads, feet along nylon carpets and glass rods on cats will fall by the wayside. We will also have to reconsider terms for current. One hours insanely fast peddling on an exercise bike hooked up to power the telly will, for instance, be known as an Armstrong.
Final thought that will make micro-generation attractive - flogging electricity back to the national grid may be satisfying, but not nearly as satisfying as sending them the letter informing them that your prices have gone up 30% because you want to upgrade to an exterior cabin on your next cruise.
Solar is a passive generation though. If I am going to spend money, I am going for wind or water.
Wind is fabulous because not only does your home look like the set of tellytubbies (meaning you can have an excuse for approximating their body shape) but you can also pretend to be Windy Miller. Being a mute albino in an apron and the hat of an Amish serial-killer has a lot of attractions, such as being accompanied everywhere you go by a voice-over. Imagine how useful that would be in everyday life. ‘What’s that Macnabbs, you think this shop assistant is a tosspot and if they ask you about buying an extended warranty one more time you’re going to insert a humerous vegetable into them?’ That, coming over the shops loudspeaker system would soon focus attention.
The alternative is water generation. Beloved of hill farms in remote areas, water turbines are, from what I can determine, the drum of a washing machine dumped in a brook and connected to your mains with a couple of jump-leads salvaged from a raid on an AA van. Developments in miniaturisation mean that teacup-sized water turbines are only a few years away. One can clip them to your downpipe from the gutter, from the shower and from the dishwasher. Placing one in the centre of the loo bowl will mean that you can charge your iPod with meritorious matriculation.
Conventional energy generation techniques such as rubbing balloons on heads, feet along nylon carpets and glass rods on cats will fall by the wayside. We will also have to reconsider terms for current. One hours insanely fast peddling on an exercise bike hooked up to power the telly will, for instance, be known as an Armstrong.
Final thought that will make micro-generation attractive - flogging electricity back to the national grid may be satisfying, but not nearly as satisfying as sending them the letter informing them that your prices have gone up 30% because you want to upgrade to an exterior cabin on your next cruise.
1 Comments:
I'm really inspired to buy an SUV and guzzle as much gasoline as possible. Then not only will I contribute more money to the oil companies, but I'll also contribute to the downfall of the environment! PERFECT!
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