Who's who?
There’s currently speculation in the media, and nowhere else, that the announcement about Doctor Who being ‘rested’ for 2008 means David Tennant will hand over to a new Doctor in 2009. Complete tosh to fill up column inches, but it at least prompted the following thoughts:
In the short time between the revival of Doctor Who and the announcement of its hiatus, there have been a couple of changes to British cultural life that will make the casting of the next Doctor entertaining; these are the growth of Yooohoootube type internet sites and the ascendance of the televised ‘talent’ show as a) a way to find a leading man, b) a way to raise revenue for charity causes/evil masterminds depending on your channel of choice and c) a method of reducing the sum level of human decency on the planet by crushing the dreams of some Enya wannabe who is so untalented it boarders on being a learning disability and who’s expression on being told that they can’t sing is not unlike that of a bride being unexpectedly pelted with baboon excrement.
The BBC could make a fortune by having the role of the new Doctor as an open call. And of course at the end they could just fix the result. More than that, they could make a small fotune by having a ‘phone vote on the name of the show - ‘Is there a Doctor in the house?’, ‘Paging Doctor Who?’, ‘Who you?’, ‘Are you Who?’ are just four shit examples of how titling shows is best left to creative people rather than, say, me. Hell, I couldn’t even come up with a decent working title for the show, traditionally an anagram of the final show, although calling it ‘ghzxcvzrebshkjsiuhgs’ would mean it scored really high at scrabble and would automatically sell to Polish TV.
Want to be the next Doctor? Then get your audition reel on YouTube now! All across the nation Dads are depriving their toddlers of safety scissors and glue in a frenzy of set construction. Home-made daleks are coming to life in garages and sheds and Christmas lights are being turned into ‘special effects’ through the simple expedient of nailing them to whatever silver foil is left over from the manufacture of the cyber-man for showreel two!
Youtube is full of people who can’t act and who think they can. But that’s okay, because so is Eastenders. It’s the perfect place to house all of the ‘cast me as Doctor who’ videos. You would even be able to categorise them: ‘just a bit of fun’, ‘ironic’, ‘funny but hopeful’, ‘earnest’ and ‘terrifying’ and, knowing just how intense some fans can get about Doctor Who (they make the deranged fan in Enimenenenens ‘Stan’ look positively ambivalent), this is likely to be the most populous and popular category.
As for the identity of the 11th Doctor…please God let it be me! I know I can’t act and I’m not handsome or charismatic but I do have my own sonic screwdriver. Which you’ll see, sharpened to a point and held against the chubby throat of Russel T Davis in a youtube video I like to call ‘cast me you bastard or I’ll open you up like a gay welsh courgette!’
(Not really, I don’t condone violence, homophobia or the use of vegetables)
In the short time between the revival of Doctor Who and the announcement of its hiatus, there have been a couple of changes to British cultural life that will make the casting of the next Doctor entertaining; these are the growth of Yooohoootube type internet sites and the ascendance of the televised ‘talent’ show as a) a way to find a leading man, b) a way to raise revenue for charity causes/evil masterminds depending on your channel of choice and c) a method of reducing the sum level of human decency on the planet by crushing the dreams of some Enya wannabe who is so untalented it boarders on being a learning disability and who’s expression on being told that they can’t sing is not unlike that of a bride being unexpectedly pelted with baboon excrement.
The BBC could make a fortune by having the role of the new Doctor as an open call. And of course at the end they could just fix the result. More than that, they could make a small fotune by having a ‘phone vote on the name of the show - ‘Is there a Doctor in the house?’, ‘Paging Doctor Who?’, ‘Who you?’, ‘Are you Who?’ are just four shit examples of how titling shows is best left to creative people rather than, say, me. Hell, I couldn’t even come up with a decent working title for the show, traditionally an anagram of the final show, although calling it ‘ghzxcvzrebshkjsiuhgs’ would mean it scored really high at scrabble and would automatically sell to Polish TV.
Want to be the next Doctor? Then get your audition reel on YouTube now! All across the nation Dads are depriving their toddlers of safety scissors and glue in a frenzy of set construction. Home-made daleks are coming to life in garages and sheds and Christmas lights are being turned into ‘special effects’ through the simple expedient of nailing them to whatever silver foil is left over from the manufacture of the cyber-man for showreel two!
Youtube is full of people who can’t act and who think they can. But that’s okay, because so is Eastenders. It’s the perfect place to house all of the ‘cast me as Doctor who’ videos. You would even be able to categorise them: ‘just a bit of fun’, ‘ironic’, ‘funny but hopeful’, ‘earnest’ and ‘terrifying’ and, knowing just how intense some fans can get about Doctor Who (they make the deranged fan in Enimenenenens ‘Stan’ look positively ambivalent), this is likely to be the most populous and popular category.
As for the identity of the 11th Doctor…please God let it be me! I know I can’t act and I’m not handsome or charismatic but I do have my own sonic screwdriver. Which you’ll see, sharpened to a point and held against the chubby throat of Russel T Davis in a youtube video I like to call ‘cast me you bastard or I’ll open you up like a gay welsh courgette!’
(Not really, I don’t condone violence, homophobia or the use of vegetables)
Labels: Cybermen, Daleks, Doctor Who, Television, Youtube
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