Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Culture Corner

Throughout 2013, Gentleman & Player has never been short of an (unpublished) opinion, informed or not, about the cultural landmarks of the year (such as asking ‘is the Costa or the Orange the one for lezzas?’ before not dashing off 700 words on modern literary prizes).  In an outstanding year for the arts, here were some of the highlights.

Television

Reviews and articles about the final season of ‘Breaking Bad’ continued a trend started by coverage of ‘The Wire’ which implied that the audience is somehow intellectual simply because they were watching the thing.

Strictly Come Dancing continued to amaze, Sir Bruce is a testament to either the wonders of animatronics, or the existence of necromancy.

‘Day of the Doctor’ was best enjoyed in a cinema.  Not just because sitting in the dark gave fans a chance to touch a girl, but because the 3D was perfectly realised and there was, appropriately, yet another dimension to the experience by sharing it with others.

BBC ALBA was a revelation.  You can see premiership football and rugby on the BBC.  OK, it’s Scottish premiership football and rugby, and the football is mostly Partick Thistle, but it’s excellent for a couple of reasons.  Firstly, in the world of Scottish sectarian football, Partick Thistle are like a DMZ, wearing a Jags scarf is guarantee of safe passage in Glasgow.  Interesting to see if this continues if they continue to be quite good.  Second major bonus is that all the commentary is a Gaelic, so nobody can understand a word.  But it all sounds poetic and wonderfully passionate.  Blissful.

Art

Manet at the RA was a masterclass in how to do a lot with not very much at all.  Manet was rich enough not to be arsed to finish most of his paintings.  Still, the new audio guides are good, including a little screen where you can see a picture of the picture obscured by the crowd in front of you.  This was a blockbuster and with London so handy for the Eurostar judging by the accents, and the manners, quite a lot of French had made the trip to see the exhibition.

The RA Summer Exhibition 2013 – surprisingly un-shit this year.

Doig at the Scottish National Gallery – confronted by enormous, colourful canvasses of tropical landscapes, the indigenous population didn’t know what to make of them.  Is a blue sky modernist or surrealist?

Theatre

The exceptional performances in ‘Midsummer Night’s Dream’ underlined the casual cruelty of the fairy folk.  Sheridan Smith deserves special credit for being able to divert attention from David Walliams, who appeared to be possessed by the ghost of Frankie Howerd.  Smith’s legs are even better than her acting talent, which is exceptional.

Jude Law’s stellar performance as Henry V confirmed that it’s always a great idea to put a film star on the boards.  In a spellbound audience, you could hear the collective raising of hairs standing up on end during the ‘breach’ and ‘St Crispin’s Day’ speeches.  The tears in my eyes were due to an excess of dry ice used as smoke for the battle scenes.

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Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Who's who?

There’s currently speculation in the media, and nowhere else, that the announcement about Doctor Who being ‘rested’ for 2008 means David Tennant will hand over to a new Doctor in 2009. Complete tosh to fill up column inches, but it at least prompted the following thoughts:

In the short time between the revival of Doctor Who and the announcement of its hiatus, there have been a couple of changes to British cultural life that will make the casting of the next Doctor entertaining; these are the growth of Yooohoootube type internet sites and the ascendance of the televised ‘talent’ show as a) a way to find a leading man, b) a way to raise revenue for charity causes/evil masterminds depending on your channel of choice and c) a method of reducing the sum level of human decency on the planet by crushing the dreams of some Enya wannabe who is so untalented it boarders on being a learning disability and who’s expression on being told that they can’t sing is not unlike that of a bride being unexpectedly pelted with baboon excrement.

The BBC could make a fortune by having the role of the new Doctor as an open call. And of course at the end they could just fix the result. More than that, they could make a small fotune by having a ‘phone vote on the name of the show - ‘Is there a Doctor in the house?’, ‘Paging Doctor Who?’, ‘Who you?’, ‘Are you Who?’ are just four shit examples of how titling shows is best left to creative people rather than, say, me. Hell, I couldn’t even come up with a decent working title for the show, traditionally an anagram of the final show, although calling it ‘ghzxcvzrebshkjsiuhgs’ would mean it scored really high at scrabble and would automatically sell to Polish TV.

Want to be the next Doctor? Then get your audition reel on YouTube now! All across the nation Dads are depriving their toddlers of safety scissors and glue in a frenzy of set construction. Home-made daleks are coming to life in garages and sheds and Christmas lights are being turned into ‘special effects’ through the simple expedient of nailing them to whatever silver foil is left over from the manufacture of the cyber-man for showreel two!

Youtube is full of people who can’t act and who think they can. But that’s okay, because so is Eastenders. It’s the perfect place to house all of the ‘cast me as Doctor who’ videos. You would even be able to categorise them: ‘just a bit of fun’, ‘ironic’, ‘funny but hopeful’, ‘earnest’ and ‘terrifying’ and, knowing just how intense some fans can get about Doctor Who (they make the deranged fan in Enimenenenens ‘Stan’ look positively ambivalent), this is likely to be the most populous and popular category.

As for the identity of the 11th Doctor…please God let it be me! I know I can’t act and I’m not handsome or charismatic but I do have my own sonic screwdriver. Which you’ll see, sharpened to a point and held against the chubby throat of Russel T Davis in a youtube video I like to call ‘cast me you bastard or I’ll open you up like a gay welsh courgette!’

(Not really, I don’t condone violence, homophobia or the use of vegetables)

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