Let's a go!

The dirty dishes are piling up, the laundry hamper overflows and the ironing pile has snow on its peak. Why? MarioKart Wii, that’s why. I’ve played MarioKart for many years, in its many incarnations and it’s good to see that the game has lost none of its charm. Race one and, just as I am about to cross the finish line in first place, Luigi zooms past me, from nowhere.

I screamed ‘C**T!’ and settled in for hours of joyless grind, unlocking levels and racing racing racing.

Quite why it is that software manufacturers think it’s acceptable to charge people for a computer game and then lock up half of it is beyond me. Certainly, the advanced features on my mobile were not only available after I’d spoken for ten hours and texted my thumbs off.

The real joy/anguish is, of course, on-line multiplayer mode against others worldwide. You might think that games like ‘medal of honour’ online are frustrating where you might as well name your character ‘respawn’ because at least you’d get to see your name, a lot – but that’s as nothing compared to racing round a charming and lovingly rendered cartoony racing circuit against a French kid, who beats you. I spent the entire weekend alternatively punching the air with joy or screaming abuse at foreigners.

Like an child, I have banned myself from playing during the week. Otherwise, when would I be able to watch telly and, you know, eat.