Wildlife update

I can officially confirm that the last traces of fox poo have been removed from my front door 'welcome' mat. I know this because there was cat shit on the mat this morning. What in the name of greek buggery is going on? Is it just me? Am I being persecuted? Is somebody TRAINING their f**king felines to do this or has some malicious sod at the mat factory woven into the bristles some sort of scent that says to a cat 'Armitage Shanks'.

I am going to liberally dose the area with the last of my 'kitty-be-gone'. Then I'm going to set a claymore under the f**king litter tray that is my mat and when the posters go up in the next few days asking if 'anyone has seen my grey cat 'Kattykins'' I'll post the remains of the little f**ker back to its owner in a f**king bodybag!