Soup - but not as we know it
What is it about cup-a-soup? It's certainly the devil's brew - like necromancy, calling up a solid (okay, liquid) form from something made of powder smacks of black magic and leaves a nasty taste in the mouth (that'll be the e numbers).
I dead to think how they make the stuff. Something tells me that it's not a cottage industry of thousands of white haired old grannies brewing up vast copper kettles of nourishing broth and then microwaving it to the point of buggery to reduce it to a dehydrated state. More likely it's a bloke in wellies backing up several tankers of chemicals from drab industrial estates and mixing the stuff in a pile with a spade.
Then they add crutons*.
Before you drink it you feel guilty because, let's face it, adding boiling water to a powder does not constitute preparation.
When you drink it it's fantastic, because the stuff is so hot it burns your mouth. Luckily, the people who make it are aware of this and have packed their broth with artificial flavours more intense than those found in nature. It's like crack soup.
Afterwards though, you feel a bit dirty. Then the come-down begins with an aftertaste that becomes more chemical by the moment as you realise that they have also packed in some flavours not found in nature. It's like some scientist though to himself 'what would the feeling you get when you see a limping child with a built-up shoe taste like? Either that, or 'what does cat taste like?'
Enough, I shall remove the sludge from the bottom of my mug and swear off for good.
* Crutons only available with 'luxury' cup-a-soups. Bit of an oxymoron there.
I dead to think how they make the stuff. Something tells me that it's not a cottage industry of thousands of white haired old grannies brewing up vast copper kettles of nourishing broth and then microwaving it to the point of buggery to reduce it to a dehydrated state. More likely it's a bloke in wellies backing up several tankers of chemicals from drab industrial estates and mixing the stuff in a pile with a spade.
Then they add crutons*.
Before you drink it you feel guilty because, let's face it, adding boiling water to a powder does not constitute preparation.
When you drink it it's fantastic, because the stuff is so hot it burns your mouth. Luckily, the people who make it are aware of this and have packed their broth with artificial flavours more intense than those found in nature. It's like crack soup.
Afterwards though, you feel a bit dirty. Then the come-down begins with an aftertaste that becomes more chemical by the moment as you realise that they have also packed in some flavours not found in nature. It's like some scientist though to himself 'what would the feeling you get when you see a limping child with a built-up shoe taste like? Either that, or 'what does cat taste like?'
Enough, I shall remove the sludge from the bottom of my mug and swear off for good.
* Crutons only available with 'luxury' cup-a-soups. Bit of an oxymoron there.
1 Comments:
Well, if you had any brains at all, you'd realize that the cup-a-soup is made by the astronauts.They dehydrate EVERYTHING! Even icecream. Now if they'd just mass-produce those suits where you just go to the bathroom and it's immediately sucked up...Of course, then it might ruin the adult diaper industry, but it's got to be less painful than a catheter (I would imagine).
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