Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Bags o' Bible

Christian on the train this morning. Even before she pulled her bible from her handbag I could tell. Nobody wears a coat quite like a Christian. It’s as if virtue can be preserved under layers of wool. What the hell is it with Christians and anoraks? Do they think they repel lions or sin or something.

Down she sat next to me, as I sipped at my first coffee of the day and read my book. Rummage rummage rummage in her handbag and out comes the bible and a pamphlet that, based on my experience of this sort of thing, discusses a certain passage from the good book and ‘explains’ it.

It’s like a very small book group.

Shouldn’t people be allowed to make up their own minds? At most all you need is a glossary, though if you’re too stupid to know what ‘begat’ means are you really going to be able to cope with complex issues such as the existence of an intangible supreme being? Maybe that’s where the pamphlet comes in. My issue with it is that it’s easy to influence these sorts of minds. If somebody is looking for answers and you write in your pamphlet ‘hitherto Joshaua came to the stalactites and said unto them, thou shall not call to thy ass on Tuesday means that all proper Christians should dress drably and pucker their mouths like a cats arse’ then the credulous are going to believe them.

Can you imagine what a book group would be like if it discussed the bible? Somebody would get as far as ‘I think ***** was gay’ and would probably end up being stoned so hard they could be mistaken for a rockery.

Coats and elbows, that was what she mostly appeared to be made up of. I have learned however not to complain of being elbowed in the ribs by the devout. Partly because they might use it as the start of a conversation about faith (i.e. my lack of) bust mostly because they may very well have god on their side.

3 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

You certainly have decided that all Christians are exactly the same. I have my beliefs, but do not sit on trains with my Bible trying to force my opinions and beliefs on someone else. I try to avoid making stereotypical judgments about people as I would hope they wouldn't judge me. Maybe you've also met a brunette American girl who was a total bitch, but because I'm a brunette American girl doesn't mean that I'm a bitch, too (although I wouldn't be so sure...maybe that was a bad metaphor).

3:30 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Far from it, I know they can come in all shapes and sizes...aghhhhhhhh, no they don't they all look the same and they all buy their clothes from some sort of catalog that's heavy on jumpers.

3:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good! Because I prefer clothing that utilizes tassels and glitter! hardy har har---

3:51 PM  

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