The apocalypse is upon us
At least that’s what you might think if you spend your life on the motorway. Certainly, a lot of people appear to own cars who have not read the Highway Code, which would explain why they undertake, tailgate and generally act like loons. Surely they can’t all have organs for transplant in the boot, packed under a packet of frozen peas and in danger of getting warm?
More likely, they are tossers.
Tossers there certainly are when it comes to decanting the contents of their cars onto the highway. Like the chap in the expensive 4x4 in front on me on Saturday who obviously did not go for a top of the range car fitted with an ashtray but instead simply flicked his lit fag onto the tinder-dry roadside vegetation. Surely, this is somebody who must have genuinely nothing happening in their head, I mean at all. No thought of consequence or consideration of others, just a windy gap.
Driving home last night, or should I say, dawdling in a traffic jam, I was amazed to see that the interior of most cars are lit up like Blackpool illuminations. In the back are the kids watching a DVD (what happened to whiling away the journey by squabbling and fighting for 300 miles, eh?) and in the front is the dad looking at his sat nav screen. Christ alive that must be depressing, I could see the sat nav in the car next to me and for ten minutes the picture stayed the same because, hey, we weren’t moving.
Luckily I had had the foresight to stuff a cool box with crisps, drink and wine gums and so was able to enjoy an impromptu picnic. Obviously I drew the line at cracking a bottle of a rather adventurous red but it was a close run thing.
To be fair though, motoring is not all doom, gloom and fantasising about the shower you are going to have when you arrive home. Earlier this week I renewed my road tax…at home. You can do it over the computer. Amazing, I had a beer and renewed my road tax and I had done the tax before I did the beer. No more standing in long queues at the post office wondering which pensioner the smell of pee and biscuits is coming from (answer: all of them). Now if I want to recreate the experience I’ll have to buy some pensioner scent off of eBay and erect a glass screen between myself and my computer so that I can recreate that ‘bellowing through a grill’ sensation.
More likely, they are tossers.
Tossers there certainly are when it comes to decanting the contents of their cars onto the highway. Like the chap in the expensive 4x4 in front on me on Saturday who obviously did not go for a top of the range car fitted with an ashtray but instead simply flicked his lit fag onto the tinder-dry roadside vegetation. Surely, this is somebody who must have genuinely nothing happening in their head, I mean at all. No thought of consequence or consideration of others, just a windy gap.
Driving home last night, or should I say, dawdling in a traffic jam, I was amazed to see that the interior of most cars are lit up like Blackpool illuminations. In the back are the kids watching a DVD (what happened to whiling away the journey by squabbling and fighting for 300 miles, eh?) and in the front is the dad looking at his sat nav screen. Christ alive that must be depressing, I could see the sat nav in the car next to me and for ten minutes the picture stayed the same because, hey, we weren’t moving.
Luckily I had had the foresight to stuff a cool box with crisps, drink and wine gums and so was able to enjoy an impromptu picnic. Obviously I drew the line at cracking a bottle of a rather adventurous red but it was a close run thing.
To be fair though, motoring is not all doom, gloom and fantasising about the shower you are going to have when you arrive home. Earlier this week I renewed my road tax…at home. You can do it over the computer. Amazing, I had a beer and renewed my road tax and I had done the tax before I did the beer. No more standing in long queues at the post office wondering which pensioner the smell of pee and biscuits is coming from (answer: all of them). Now if I want to recreate the experience I’ll have to buy some pensioner scent off of eBay and erect a glass screen between myself and my computer so that I can recreate that ‘bellowing through a grill’ sensation.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home