The staff of life
Thanks to those puffed up popinjays in Human Resources, not to mention the interfearing busybodies at the health and Safety Executive, recruiting staff is not the joy it used to be.
Gone are the days of 'trial by crumpet', when one would dispatch a likely candidate to get you afternoon tea in the shortest time possible. Gone too are the simple recruitment tools of simply giving the job to somebody with the right school tie. (The right school tie is not, of course, the tie of the school you went to. To work with somebody who may have knowledge of what foulness you got up to, even if no conviction resulted, is too great a chance to take. Rather you want somebody from a school that your utterly humiliated on the field of sport or, better still, the field of battle, either in this century or one past.) Gone forever indeed are the days when you would carefully weigh up the pros and cons of each candidate and finally, after painstaking deliberation, give the job to the one with the biggest breasts.
Now we have interviews and oversight committees. This is, so it said on my last written warning, to stop 'abuse of the system' although I always think that a brown paper envelope stuffed with fivers says more about you than any CV ever could.
The trouble with recruiting is that the field is so narrow. Those American army chaps have it right - go to a town full of poor, poorly educated, poorly spoken and poorly dressed people and convince them that shitting yourself in terror behind a sandbag wall in some arse-hole country in the middle of nowhere is a solid career choice. Christ, i wish I was able to recruit like that - it would be straight down to the 'Lap of Luxury' erotic dance spot to ask any of the girls writhing on their poles whether they would like to change careers. The pros are that it's indoor work with very little heavy lifting, the cons are that you'll still have men leering at you but they won't be shoving tenners down your pants.
Gone are the days of 'trial by crumpet', when one would dispatch a likely candidate to get you afternoon tea in the shortest time possible. Gone too are the simple recruitment tools of simply giving the job to somebody with the right school tie. (The right school tie is not, of course, the tie of the school you went to. To work with somebody who may have knowledge of what foulness you got up to, even if no conviction resulted, is too great a chance to take. Rather you want somebody from a school that your utterly humiliated on the field of sport or, better still, the field of battle, either in this century or one past.) Gone forever indeed are the days when you would carefully weigh up the pros and cons of each candidate and finally, after painstaking deliberation, give the job to the one with the biggest breasts.
Now we have interviews and oversight committees. This is, so it said on my last written warning, to stop 'abuse of the system' although I always think that a brown paper envelope stuffed with fivers says more about you than any CV ever could.
The trouble with recruiting is that the field is so narrow. Those American army chaps have it right - go to a town full of poor, poorly educated, poorly spoken and poorly dressed people and convince them that shitting yourself in terror behind a sandbag wall in some arse-hole country in the middle of nowhere is a solid career choice. Christ, i wish I was able to recruit like that - it would be straight down to the 'Lap of Luxury' erotic dance spot to ask any of the girls writhing on their poles whether they would like to change careers. The pros are that it's indoor work with very little heavy lifting, the cons are that you'll still have men leering at you but they won't be shoving tenners down your pants.
1 Comments:
Well clearly you would never recruit me. Thanks for you review by the way. While I agree with a few of your points---stupid fucking Robert Frost, what was I thinking?---and even if I was sick all of the damn time, no one needs to know that---I am not putting a web address in my paper and I'm leaving the swimming thing in---I guess I just have to express my point in bringing it up in the first place. Maybe I won't apply at all....there must be someone out there who is much more qualified (from an IQ standpoint).
I fucking suck at writing and I always have. I hate it. The only reason I write is to try to make sense of my thoughts and it usually does more harm than good, it's confusing and then I read it and get frustrated. Too bad I can't just take a picture of my tits and hope the girl reading the essays is a lesbian or at least very close to crossing over.
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