I wanna rock - DJ!
Because my last dinner jacket was destroyed in a fight with terrorists while saving the world* and because I'm off to the Savoy** I need a dinner jacket. Luckily, I have an off-the-peg body and so go to an off-the-peg place to get a DJ***.
Trying it on and checking out the old reflection, it occurs to me there are two sorts of people in this world. The first look at themselves in a DJ and think 'oh Christ, I look a like a waiter.' The second check the reflection and think 'Oh yes, i look like James Bond'.
I looked at myself and though - 'hey, James Bond looks like me!'.
The two challenges are braces and the bow tie.
Braces have two associations. The first is the red-braced city trader, the sort of person who spent the 80's fucking up the country for the rest of us - there's also the whole 'rock-on-Tommy' sort of thing. The second image is of some fat southern-fried fucker in front of a huge pot of Gumbo, the corrupt politician model who has given up on belts, diets and redemption.
Oh, and Mork.
As for the bow tie. There are two sorts of people. People who tie their own bow tie, and scum.
I used to have a bow tie, a really lovely paislely-pattern one. I wore it once. I was going out with this gorgeous girl who took one look at my bow tie, thought 'twat', and dumped me faster and deeper than whale-shit. (Of course it was before we had sex...why do you think I'm still bitter about it!)
After nearly garrotting myself, it's hats off to Youtube who have a clip of a bloke tieing his bow-tie, and this patient woman explaining it all. Took me while but...sorted.
*this may be a lie.
** this is not
***I will of course have it tailored to accommodate Walther PPK and assorted gadgets. Oh, okay, iPod.
Trying it on and checking out the old reflection, it occurs to me there are two sorts of people in this world. The first look at themselves in a DJ and think 'oh Christ, I look a like a waiter.' The second check the reflection and think 'Oh yes, i look like James Bond'.
I looked at myself and though - 'hey, James Bond looks like me!'.
The two challenges are braces and the bow tie.
Braces have two associations. The first is the red-braced city trader, the sort of person who spent the 80's fucking up the country for the rest of us - there's also the whole 'rock-on-Tommy' sort of thing. The second image is of some fat southern-fried fucker in front of a huge pot of Gumbo, the corrupt politician model who has given up on belts, diets and redemption.
Oh, and Mork.
As for the bow tie. There are two sorts of people. People who tie their own bow tie, and scum.
I used to have a bow tie, a really lovely paislely-pattern one. I wore it once. I was going out with this gorgeous girl who took one look at my bow tie, thought 'twat', and dumped me faster and deeper than whale-shit. (Of course it was before we had sex...why do you think I'm still bitter about it!)
After nearly garrotting myself, it's hats off to Youtube who have a clip of a bloke tieing his bow-tie, and this patient woman explaining it all. Took me while but...sorted.
*this may be a lie.
** this is not
***I will of course have it tailored to accommodate Walther PPK and assorted gadgets. Oh, okay, iPod.
2 Comments:
So what's the big event? Hopefully it is a big event which is really the only excuse in wearing a bow tie. I'd dump your ass, too, if you showed up on a date wearing a bowtie unless we going to a formal event. Of course, Johnny Depp doesn't wear bow ties to formal events and he's hot.
Hope you're not blown away.....
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