A good look?

Fat face is a store that sells, essentially, surfing inspired apparel for middle aged people who are more likely to surf the internet or the teevee channels than any body of water.

In Ely recently. Appropriate attire in Ely is a farmer’s smock, or the skin of the incomer you’ve killed. This is a resolutely landlocked city in the heart of East Anglia so, the ideal place to locate a shop flogging loud shirts and cargo pants in case you decide to drive for an hour to the coast.

What gives the game away, though, are the sizes. I've seen surfers. Mainly they sit together on their boards, in little clumps, looking out to sea and talking no doubt about waves, cider or pot.

They also have flat stomachs and not a whole lot of fat. While you would think that a low centre of gravity would be an advantage on a surf board, it is obviously incompatible with looking good in a wet suit.

Fat Face sells cargo pants in a size 38 waist. The shop was full of middle aged people mistakenly thinking that they could pull off the shorts and loud shirt look for one more summer.

There comes a time when one has to realise that the correct summer attire is, essentially, a hammock and a pitcher of Pimms - and cargo pants if you must but at least have the good grace to call them 'pirate trousers'.