Yule season sighted in the distance

I have, it would appear, ticked yet another box in the great 'are you a cummogenly old git' Cosmo quiz of life. Standing in Woolies at the weekend (wondering how to get half a pound of pick 'n' mix out of the shop in the hood of my duffel without being caught by the eagle-eyed security guard) I noticed that not only was all the Christmas stuff on sale, but they were playing carols over the store tannoy thingy.

Christmas has started, apparently, and it's only mid November. I mean, Jesus! Surely the run-up to Christmas should start in mid-December. I mean, I don't mind all the gifts being out on display, one can never start laying down the Christmas booze too early, but as for all this tinsel and fake snow - it's not on. It also means that by the time all right-minded men come to do their shopping (December the twentysomethingth) the shop assistants are remarkably short on Yule cheer.

However, redemption was at hand. A quick trip to the big orange fleecer was a real treat - they have their Chriatmas lights selection on display and, my God, we wish you a Chavvy Christmas. The very least of the lights was a santa and a snow man on a motorised see-saw. Chavtastic. I must have one.