Men & Sarnies

The opening of a new M&S just yards from the office has, no doubt, put a right old crimp in the profits of the various other sandwich bars dotted around Victoria. Not least because it is, quite liderally, on our doorstep and hungry office drones no longer have to waddle their enormous triple decker BLT craving arses half way down the street to get their lunch. No, they can just roll over the food hall and load up a carrier bag with lard on white bread.

M&S is also, cleverly, underpricing the competition. This is of course being ruthlessly exploited by people like me who have no loyalty at all to any brand.

For instance, Benjies is handy but once sold me milk that was off - something I've been in a snit about ever since. Pret has the prettiest and friendliest sandwich sellers - a sure sign that they are illegal immigrants - surely there has to be a direct correlation between how friendly the staff are and how vulnerable to deportation they are, especially this close to the Home Office. If you're surly, you go home early. Of course, if you are able to suck your case officer off, at the hinge, it's visa time.

The other benefit is that there are suits and shirts available in an emergency. The nose bleeds, spillages and general melee of office life mean it's always good to know that a spare shirt is only over the road should something really spectacular happen to the one you're wearing, like it going out of fashion by the afternoon. Also, now I'm getting on, it's good to know that if, as might happen, I foul myself in spectacular fashion, I will be able to purchase new emergency trousers.