What to give up for lent
It's all about lent at the moment.
After stuffing themselves full of pancakes stuffed with sugary goodness, chocolate, or lamb, or goose (cough cough) or whatever the hell else it is that Christians put in pancakes (the blood of our lord Jesus, in the form of a holy black pudding?) we enter the season of abstinence.
As I sit here with my bottle of beer I wonder what to give up. Certainly not alcohol or anything I enjoy, and certainly not anything that is good for me. When i was a teenager I used to wonder if i could give up pleasuring of the self during lent but I learned one undeniable fact, the more you think about flogging the bishop, the more likely you are to spank the monkey.
No doubt the idea is to deny yourself something you enjoy, such as a fag or that seventh whopper, and then feel all good about yourself because you have made a 'sacrifice' just like Jesus did in the desert.
I don't think so. Much as McDs would like to conquer the world, I'm pretty sure they didn't have a fecking branch open in the desert about 20AD.
So, whittle away a bit. Give up something that you usually do and, in the space that occurs in your head, think of something wholesome and spiritual.
I suggest, strongly, that people give up making mind numbingly dull 'phone calls on the train next to me.
My iPod has packed up and I am once more re-immersed (like a baptism) back into the world. This has underlined all the reasons I had for getting the thing in the first place, it's a sonic screen against the sheer stupidity of modern life. the result is that I am now exposed once again to people making calls in close quarters.
For instance, this chap tonight was either deaf or special - nothing else could account for his braying voice and once he was on the phone he engaged in a monolog and treated the rest of the carriage to his thoughts and anecdotes. this is the sort of chap you might even consider not going to the pub to avoid. His conversation was like having nails of boredom battered into the coffin of my well being.
The punch line is that when he finished, he turned to the poor sod next to him who he had been talking to until they had both been interrupted by their separate phones, and began the whole thing again with 'I don't know if you heard that?'. i focused on a cold beer and refrained from screaming at him 'yes, the whole f**king carriage heard!'.
Enough ranting, no matter how therapeutic.
So that's my lent suggestion. Give up mobile 'phones. Giving up food is immoral until everyone has enough to eat. Giving up sex is immoral until everyone gets enough tail, and giving up beer is immoral until hey stop taxing it to fund the NHS - remember, every time you don't drink you deny a hospital an incubator.
After stuffing themselves full of pancakes stuffed with sugary goodness, chocolate, or lamb, or goose (cough cough) or whatever the hell else it is that Christians put in pancakes (the blood of our lord Jesus, in the form of a holy black pudding?) we enter the season of abstinence.
As I sit here with my bottle of beer I wonder what to give up. Certainly not alcohol or anything I enjoy, and certainly not anything that is good for me. When i was a teenager I used to wonder if i could give up pleasuring of the self during lent but I learned one undeniable fact, the more you think about flogging the bishop, the more likely you are to spank the monkey.
No doubt the idea is to deny yourself something you enjoy, such as a fag or that seventh whopper, and then feel all good about yourself because you have made a 'sacrifice' just like Jesus did in the desert.
I don't think so. Much as McDs would like to conquer the world, I'm pretty sure they didn't have a fecking branch open in the desert about 20AD.
So, whittle away a bit. Give up something that you usually do and, in the space that occurs in your head, think of something wholesome and spiritual.
I suggest, strongly, that people give up making mind numbingly dull 'phone calls on the train next to me.
My iPod has packed up and I am once more re-immersed (like a baptism) back into the world. This has underlined all the reasons I had for getting the thing in the first place, it's a sonic screen against the sheer stupidity of modern life. the result is that I am now exposed once again to people making calls in close quarters.
For instance, this chap tonight was either deaf or special - nothing else could account for his braying voice and once he was on the phone he engaged in a monolog and treated the rest of the carriage to his thoughts and anecdotes. this is the sort of chap you might even consider not going to the pub to avoid. His conversation was like having nails of boredom battered into the coffin of my well being.
The punch line is that when he finished, he turned to the poor sod next to him who he had been talking to until they had both been interrupted by their separate phones, and began the whole thing again with 'I don't know if you heard that?'. i focused on a cold beer and refrained from screaming at him 'yes, the whole f**king carriage heard!'.
Enough ranting, no matter how therapeutic.
So that's my lent suggestion. Give up mobile 'phones. Giving up food is immoral until everyone has enough to eat. Giving up sex is immoral until everyone gets enough tail, and giving up beer is immoral until hey stop taxing it to fund the NHS - remember, every time you don't drink you deny a hospital an incubator.
3 Comments:
I tried to refrain from reading this post as I knew in the back of my mind it would justify "cheating"...of course, God will know. And yes, well, I have given up alcohol and sweets. The only reason I threw in the sweets was to make it seem like giving up alcohol was not a large enough sacrifice. However, giving up both, especially at the same time, I expect to be in an extremely bad mood for the next 40 days. That's why I felt the need to imbibe last night~ I'm not sure though if my headache is due to that or because I anticipate withdrawals. Either way, I can't wait for Easter. Hopefully I will at least lose a couple of pounds in this process...is that selfish?
Selfish? Dunno. If you're doing it for yourself, possibly, if you're doing it for the kids, then not. If you have given up consuming but not purchasing then lent for you may well end with you stretched full length on the floor surrounded by wrappers from chocolate bars and empty bottles or, as I like to call it, a typical Saturday night.
Want to deny a pleasure of the flesh. Give up caffeine. Apparently you get splitting headaches and so on, it's like self-flaggelation but it's not so tough on shirts.
Heck no! I'd never give up caffeine. I've tried before and it's worse than giving up heroin. OK, so I don't really know that for a fact, but I can imagine.
Anyway, I spent $70 on a haircut today as I imagine I will save money in the long run for less purchase of alcohol. (Unlike most women I know, I rarely get my hair cut). Well, also, I'm not really the one who buys most of my drinks all the time so maybe I won't save a dime. This weekend will be the first test as I have 2 dinner parties and a brunch to go to with friends~ all invitations included mention of alcohol. Sunday brunch was an enticing "they have wonderful, spicy bloody marys there!"...great...Maybe I'll just have to learn to drown my sorrows with omelets instead.
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