Roll on Easter
Easter egg hunt? I’ll tell you what a f**king Easter Egg hunt is - it’s leaving the purchase of the egg for your wife to the last minute and finding that everywhere, and I mean everywhere, has sold out. They’ve sold out of the bargain ones, they’ve even sold out of the ones that come with a free Rolls Royce they’re so expensive.
Give the shop assistants their due, once they saw the panic in my eyes they didn’t actually laugh at me, although to be fair their obvious pity was a lot worse.
Compromised in the end with some decent chocs but it’s just not the same goddammit. Especially as I was the proud recipient of a TARDIS Easter egg to go with the darlek one I had consumed some weeks earlier. Obviously I hoped that the TARDIS box would indeed prove to be bigger on the inside than on the outside, but apparently not.
Rushing from shop to shop and coming up eggless aside, I suppose there have only ever been two major disappointments for me about Easter eggs.
The first is that they appear not to do them in ceramic mugs any more. When I was a kid they always did a ceramic mug with ‘Cadbury’ or similar written on it, with the egg sitting just so in the centre. This, I believe is an excellent way to collect not just calories but crockery too.
But the number 1 all time major disappointment must be the first time I picked up a Cadbury Cream Egg Easter egg and just knew from the weight that, unlike its smaller brethren, it was not full of fondant goo (or ‘yolk’ as it might also be known).
Can you imagine how sick eating one of those would make you?
Hummm - next year I might well do an experiment - I wonder how many regular cream eggs you’d have to empty of their contents to fill a regular Easter egg? Surely this is worth investing anything up to twenty quid to find out. You’d make more flogging the f**ker on eBay.
The more I think about it the better an idea it sounds. It would be the reversal of a childhood expectation that led to an adult disappointment. I mean, imagine if all such disappointments were so easily reversed. Okay, off the top of my head the only other major ones I can think of are that nobody has invented lightsabers or hoverboards yet, but at least the solution to this one is within my grasp!
Give the shop assistants their due, once they saw the panic in my eyes they didn’t actually laugh at me, although to be fair their obvious pity was a lot worse.
Compromised in the end with some decent chocs but it’s just not the same goddammit. Especially as I was the proud recipient of a TARDIS Easter egg to go with the darlek one I had consumed some weeks earlier. Obviously I hoped that the TARDIS box would indeed prove to be bigger on the inside than on the outside, but apparently not.
Rushing from shop to shop and coming up eggless aside, I suppose there have only ever been two major disappointments for me about Easter eggs.
The first is that they appear not to do them in ceramic mugs any more. When I was a kid they always did a ceramic mug with ‘Cadbury’ or similar written on it, with the egg sitting just so in the centre. This, I believe is an excellent way to collect not just calories but crockery too.
But the number 1 all time major disappointment must be the first time I picked up a Cadbury Cream Egg Easter egg and just knew from the weight that, unlike its smaller brethren, it was not full of fondant goo (or ‘yolk’ as it might also be known).
Can you imagine how sick eating one of those would make you?
Hummm - next year I might well do an experiment - I wonder how many regular cream eggs you’d have to empty of their contents to fill a regular Easter egg? Surely this is worth investing anything up to twenty quid to find out. You’d make more flogging the f**ker on eBay.
The more I think about it the better an idea it sounds. It would be the reversal of a childhood expectation that led to an adult disappointment. I mean, imagine if all such disappointments were so easily reversed. Okay, off the top of my head the only other major ones I can think of are that nobody has invented lightsabers or hoverboards yet, but at least the solution to this one is within my grasp!
4 Comments:
If you're so anti-Christian, don't you think it's a little hypocritical to celebrate Easter? Maybe you're Eastern Orthodox or something, I don't know...maybe you only appreciate the bunny and the chocolate. Whatever the case, don't complain about hunting for eggs...at least you weren't puking as I was on Easter Sunday. I didn't even get any chocolate until 3 days later when I bought some of the picked over Easter candy that was 75% off.
I think you'll find Easter is a pagan festival. Hence the connection to the moon cycle. And the egg.
I think you'll be going to "hell in an Easter basket" as they say. And of course, I'm joking, in case you're extremely offended that I suggested a hell and that anyone might be going there.
I like the idea of an Easter basket very much and were I going to Hell it would be my conveyance of choice, as long as I could pack flame-proof underpants and a small fire extinguisher.
I never get offended when people suggest I might enjoy an afterlife of suffering and torment (although I do worry that they saw me doing something the previous evening when drunk that would lead them to conclude this is the case).
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